Fancy Life Secrets: fancy

Showing posts with label fancy. Show all posts

Friday, February 28, 2020

I Stopped Eating Like A Fat @$$

Three Days After Giving Birth

Losing weight after having a baby is hard. Let me count the ways:

Losing weight starts in the kitchen, not the gym.
From the moment that I found out I was pregnant, I was eating ALL OF THE FOOD!
After close to 36 weeks of eating whatever, you spend another 12 months or so eating about 2000 calories each day to support your milk supply.
Losing weight may require restricting carbs but my breast milk supply dwindles without carbs. So I had to eat carbs.
I work at home, in the kitchen, where I live with 2 little mousies (husband and son) who like to snack and never put their snacks away after the partake. Of course, I'm gonna have a mini oreo or two or three before I put them back in the snack cabinet.

My Favorite Snack

You get my drift. The odds are not in my favor here at the Fancy Factory. So, how did I do it? I just decided. I decided that I was tired of not looking how I wanted to look in my clothes. I was tired of not feeling my best. I was tired of squeezing my brains out with spanx and seeing my FUPA anyway. I was tired. It's just like being an addict who needs to kick the habit. Only the addict can decide when it's time. I decided. I decided that I wasn't gonna eat like a fat ass no mo'.

Fitness

Working out has never been a problem for me. I've always had a regular fitness routine, even in college when my average weight was about 120 lbs. I just never had to really watch my diet. I ate pretty healthy but never felt like I had to restrain my sweet tooth. Give me ALL of the chocolate chip cookies, brownies with ice cream, molten chocolate cake, and sweet tea. LOL!

Felt Cute But Wasn't Excited
When I Look At This Picture

After having my first kid, I came home from the hospital weighing roughly 200 lbs. But he was a spring baby so I started walking 1 - 2 miles per day when he was about 3 weeks old. The weight dropped quickly but then I went back to work, sitting at a desk, I was stuck at about 175 lbs. Womp. At 9 months postpartum, I got serious and adapted the 21 Day Fix meal plan. I dropped 11 lbs in 21 days and kept going. The down side to that was my milk supply suffered so I ended up weaning my son at 10 months when I really wanted to nurse him for a year. I eased up on the dietary restrictions but was able to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight and maintain it. If you have a husband, you know how they can be haters sometimes. I got knocked up again. SMH

I weighed in at 215 lbs. before I delivered my daughter, the second child. I came home from the hospital weighing 198 lbs. This time I knew what to do, it was just a matter of doing it. What I didn't realize was, I wasn't as active as I was with my son. I was doing my little 25 - 30 minute Beach Body on Demand exercises but I was feeling like it wasn't enough. What was I missing? Aaaahhhhh, the walking. Since my daughter was born in November, getting outside to walk wasn't ideal and I had given my treadmill away to make room for Fancy Factory operations. Plus, having two kids takes a longer adjustment period. Shit. We're still adjusting 15 months later. LOL!

Once my daughter hit 8 months, I was over being fat. I got serious about my diet.....again. I had to be careful though because I didn't want my milk to dry up.

Food

Here's is what my daily menu looks like:

Drink 90 - 100 oz. of water with lemon slices per day (I refill my 24 oz. container 4-5 times/day and refresh the lemon slices daily)
Breakfast

Green Smoothie with protein: Handful of spinach, half a banana, scoop of Thrive protein, water (any kind of milk, including non-dairy, has a rack of carbs)
Accompanied with

Flax & Oats Oatmeal (for milk production, I stopped eating this after I stopped nursing. Oatmeal has a rack of carbs.) OR
Avocado toast with fried egg (Ezekiel toast, guacamole, fried egg on top) OR
One boiled egg

8 oz. of Coffee with flavored creamer only. No sugar.

Morning snack (cuz you've gotsta have a snack)

Celery with peanut butter OR
One serving of fruit

Lunch

4 oz./One chicken tenderloin (seasoned and frozen, cooked in the air fryer for 8 minutes at 380 degrees)
Salad

Afternoon snack

One serving of Fruit OR
Popcorn

Dinner

May 2019 vs. November 2019

Protein
Veggie
Glass of red wine (sometimes. Gimme a break. I have two toddlers that drive me crazy.)

Dessert (usually under 200 calories) This can get tricky but I keep dark chocolate around the house for those chocolate cravings. Dark chocolate is healthier for you than milk chocolate. Like red wine compared to white wine.

One Chocolate Peanut Butter Bite (Using dark chocolate chips instead of milk chocolate chips) OR
A little sliver of cake OR
One or two squares of dark chocolate OR
One fresh baked chocolate chip cookie OR
One or Two Mini Oreos OR
Brush my teeth and go to bed. (When I've had a bad day and couldn't stick to the meal plan)

Dassit! The weekend can get pretty sketchy. If you get a stomach virus or flu, that helps. I'm laughing but serious. I have started doing a quarterly 2 day juice cleanse. The juice cleanse is a healthy substitute for a stomach virus or the flu. Hahahahahaha!!! I also drink some Smooth Move tea each night just to get the waste moving out, ya know. If you are holding onto waste, you are holding on to weight. Let it out! The tea is very helpful when I didn't quite drink enough water the previous day.

Document! Document! Document! Just like with anything, what gets measured is what gets done. I use an app to document everything. My Fitness Pal is a great app that tracks, documents, charts, and reminds you to eat, workout or whatever you need help with. I use it to document my meals to monitor my calories and nutrient portions, water intake, daily weight, waist measurements, and daily steps.

I eat the same things everyday. This works for me. I eliminate decision fatique and it's easy for me to pack my lunch and snack when I'm in deez streets. Packing my lunch and snacks prevents me from eating out....sometimes.

Fitness

If we are friends on social media, you probably get tired of seeing my work out pictures #MorningsAreForMoms. While I know that I don't have to workout everyday to be healthy, I NEED that time to myself. Going to the gym is really the only time of the day that I get to myself. I'm not interrupted by phone calls, emails, staff calling my name, kids crawling all over me, a husband asking me questions. Just me and my music or audio book. I COULD work out at home but husbands and kids can be haters. It's the best $10 I could spend on myself. I post my daily workout to hold myself accountable and to encourage my Fancy Friends. It's amazing how showing that you're working on yourself can encourage someone to work on themselves as well. I see improvement in my stamina and strength everyday. I feel better about my day when I've worked out in the morning. I know that if my whole day goes to shit and I don't get anything done as planned, at least I exercised. I got ONE win for the day.

I hope this helps someone who is feeling discouraged. Some days are easier than others. PMS is the hardest for food. Getting to the gym is hardest when I'm on my cycle. But I give myself grace and rest when my body gives me signs that I need to rest. However, I don't let rest day turn into rest week, so I even workout on vacation. I don't let one bad food choice turn into a bad food week. I take it day by day. I get excited for the small wins because the small wins add up to losing. Losing weight.

Shameless Plug Alert:

Fancy Free Hair & Skin manufactures quality products for hair and skin, as well as provides natural hair consults for women who would like assistance on their natural hair journey. Our motto is "Keeping you fancy and free of chemicals." Visit our website, www.fancyfreehairandskin.com, to see a full range of our products and services. Sign up for our mailing list to receive natural hair tips and stay up to date on sales and the latest happenings with Fancy Free.

Tuesday, January 7, 2020

2019 Round Up

2019 was an interesting year for me in business and my personal life. I spent the first half of the year trying to figure out my life with a colicky baby, a rambunctious 2 year old and a workaholic husband while battling post partum depression. I did a lot of investing in my business. So much that it made me anxious. I ain't used to debt or being in the red. But I finished strong and I didn't die. So I am alive to tell the story.

Fancy Life Accomplishments

Survived 3 months of colic
Overcame postpartum depression
Got my husband to take over handling dinner
Got approval to increase frequency of housekeeping service
Decluttered my house
Made a little bit of money off of selling my kids' baby gear
Lost over 30 pounds
Created a self care routine
Maintained a self care routine for 7 months
Produced breast milk for 12 months
Set personal boundaries to maintain sanity
Maintained said boundaries
Removed a curse from my bloodline
Renewed my spiritual journey
Enjoyed my husband
Found a school for my son
Loved on my family

Fancy Free Hair & Skin Accomplishments

Got my back office in order
Established more automated systems
Hired 3 new employees
Fired 2 employees
Hired a marketing company
Figured out the voice of my brand with the help of a marketing company
Rebranded the look of my products
Added a seasonal scent milk to the roster
Added two new products to the roster
Added 3 new deodorant scents to the roster
Added 2 new product kits to the roster
Hired a social media management company
Fired a social media management company
Hired a second social media management company
Fired the second social media management company
Lawyers on deck to clap back on raggedy second social media management company when they tried to pursue payment even after being raggedy
Added two retail stores
Added one more wholesale buyer
Hired a business tax accountant
Increased revenues by 35%
Increased spending too (typing the percentage increased hurts my feelings)

I'm far from my goals but I am making progress. Progress is important. Typing it out like this made me realize how much I was able to accomplish with a baby strapped to my back and a toddler hanging on to my legs. There were definitely days that I cried. But there were also days that I felt like I could conquer the world. Just know, when I cried, it was only for like 5 minutes. Then I wiped my tears and got busy. Crying is therapeutic, it's a release. Just don't live in a state of sadness where you can't be productive.

I learned that being vulnerable makes me strong. I learned that it's ok to not be ok. I learned to listen to my intuition. I learned to look inward, to my ancestors, and upward, to God. I learned to be in the moment and pause sometimes, especially when it comes to having fun with my children because business building will always need my attention but they will not be little forever.

Shameless Plug Alert:

Thursday, December 5, 2019

Why I Don't Participate In Holiday Charity

Yes! I am in the retail business and I offer holiday specials and gift sets because who am I to deny my Fancy Friends that want to bless their loved one with the awesomeness of Fancy Free Hair & Skin. I also do a little something special for my Fancy Free team at the end of the year for dealing with my crap over the past 365 days. However, something in my soul doesn't sit right with holiday toy drives. I don't just. I just don't support because it's not in line with what I believe. Now that I've gotten that out of the way.....

I'm just going to jump right in there and state the unpopular truth. Christmas is a holiday that has
been deliberately marketed directly to children with all of the lights, decorations and most importantly....gifts. Once retailers realized how far people were willing to go for their children they increased the marketing appeal to children so that consumers would increase spending at the end of the year and they could potentially make up for revenue losses before the end of the year. with this one holiday. There. I said it. I am a scientist, I have done the research. If you do your research, you will find that all of the data agree with the statement.

2017 Christmas Eve crab feast. Where is this selfie stick anyway?

However, I am not anti-Christmas. I really enjoy being with my family. I am a generous person. I like to give. I love to see the joy on a recipient's face when they receive a gift from me. I love the good food and sweet treats. It warms my heart to see people going the extra mile to do something nice for someone during the "holidays". After doing our research, my husband made an informed decision that we would no longer celebrate "Christmas" by buying gifts for our loved ones.

While we are blessed and have abundant resources, there are many who blessed differently and do not have money for extra things, like Christmas gifts. Aside from loved ones not being around for the holiday season, not having money to buy gifts sends a lot of people into depression. Or worse, robbing, stealing and scamming so that they have something to give. I love the giving spirit but I hate that it has this effect on some people. I'd rather people not feel bad for what they don't have. I prefer for people to feel like they can give what they can afford and not out of obligation. Now, on to the receiving part...

If you know me, you know I do not encourage any activity that encourages or reinforces a sense of entitlement. There are no "participation" trophies. You get what you deserve. You earn you keep. You reap what you sow. You do not get an A for just showing up. You get the point. I feel like Christmas encourages a sense of entitlement in children. Most of our children are well behaved and do well in school, so we want to reward them. Why wait until Christmas? Why not do it year round? Because the calendar says buy gifts?

We want kids to feel good about themselves. We don't want them to be sad or traumatized because of a situation they didn't create but have to deal with. We pull together to give to the less fortunate so they will "have something to open" on Christmas morning. Ok. Now what? Does that actually help their circumstances? Some children may learn that there is someone who cares about them. I feel like most are actually learning that they should give gifts because it's a holiday. I feel like we are teaching

We started with the envelope system.
It worked wonders.

them that they are entitled to receive something because it's a holiday. Is that really helping them?

When my husband finished residency we were all set to ball out of control. When we were making the most money, we were spending the most, which means we were broke. It wasn't until we sat down and got disciplined about our finances that we were able to break the paycheck to paycheck cycle. We had to set a budget and stick to it. Which meant, no more frivolous spending. We had to tell people no. Most importantly, we had to tell ourselves no. It was hard for our egos because we were the big time doctor and laboratory manager. How is it possible that we can't afford to buy certain things and go certain places? Listen. It happens if you don't get control over your spending habits and establish a healthy relationship with money.

I strongly believe that African-Americans have a hard time establishing generational wealth because we have not established a healthy relationship with money. Our community encourages giving when we don't have it to give and buying when we can't afford. Christmas is no exception. I can't tell you what a relief it was when we stopped buying our loved ones gifts for Christmas. We explained why and our family understood. We still give to our family but when it's in the budget. The gifts are even more appreciated because they come at an unexpected time. We call them "any day gifts". By doing this, we set an example for budgeting and fiscal responsibility. If the hot shot doctor and his wife can say "That's more than we budgeted for." and "We can't afford that right now.", there's no reason that everyone else can't do the same.

Because I don't feel that toy drives and holiday gift donations are in line with my personal views about finance and entitlement, I shy away from them. I do support plenty of charities and non-profits that focus more on experiences than giving material possessions for the sake of giving. Hit me up for the school supplies, field trips, professional attire, book drives, etc. I definitely love the kids. I'm just not buying toys cuz it's Christmas time.

Shameless Plug Alert:

Monday, October 21, 2019

Just in One Year

I finished out a journal last night. And by that, I mean I wrote on the last page of a book that I write my daily journals in. I make a practice of going back and reviewing old journals to compare and contrast. I see what I still struggle with and what I have overcome . The first page of this journal was when I found out I was having a little girl and that she was healthy based on the genetic testing. I was elated. I made a note about how Jehovah gives us the desires of our heart.

I also made note of how I knew that my days were less productive when I skipped my evening planning period. Most notably was a constant theme of how my lack of income stressed me. How was I going to continue to contribute to our household budget and me documenting different strategies for diversifying my streams of income while building Fancy Free Hair & Skin. It consumed me. Then on top of being pregnant, trying to figure out how a maternity leave plan (which proved to be difficult since I'm self employed), I got hit with a $80,000 lawsuit. Talk about tears. I was a stressed out, emotional wreck! But the lawsuit actually was the catalyst for things beginning to turn around.

I talked to real estate lawyers, bankruptcy lawyers, I even tried to negotiate but the plaintiff wouldn't budge. We met with our financial adviser who gave us different options on how we could pay it. We finally decided that I would file bankruptcy. I was sad about it because my credit score, which had taken a hit in 2017, had starting to bounce back. However, bankruptcy was the most productive option.

Anyway, since June 2018, we have become a family of four. I've conquered postpartum depression. Fancy Free Hair & Skin has hired, fired and hired again. My husband has found a way to increase his income by 30%, relieving me of having to consistently contribute to our household finances while building my business. Nothing is perfect. But we have been able to push through and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Moral of the Story: Life is going to throw you curve balls. It's not the actual curve ball that can change your life, it's how you respond to it. I chose to turn inward and focus on what I needed to learn from each situation. I focused on solutions instead crying over things I couldn't control. Let's be clear, I shed lots of tears. But I was working on solutions with tears in my eyes. LOL!

Shameless Plug Alert:

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

"Delete All Dis Ish, Piggy!"

If you're just joining me on this journey, I am the founder of Fancy Free Hair & Skin, a personal care manufacturing company. I did not set out to start a business. It happened accidentally. I don't know much about marketing product. I am an expert at developing and manufacturing products because I spent 7 years running a laboratory.

Now that we've got that out of the way, I am always looking at my products, website, social media, pictures, etc. trying to figure out how they can be improved. Last year, I felt like I hit a plateau but wasn't sure what I could do to take my business to the next level. So, I decided to hire a new marketing company to give me a fresh perspective on the things I look at everyday.

The graphic designer I use for my labels and other marketing material has been with me since the beginning. THEE VERY BEGINNING. She was the one who sent me a message saying "Girl. You are too fancy for this janky label you have. Let me fix it." The rest is history. My product labels have gone through a few

adjustments over the past 3 years but no real overhaul. Last year, I finally decided to create individual labels for the 5 different scents of shea for hair and skin instead of continuing to use one standard label with separate scent labels. Sounds simple, right? That's because "you did not do your math" *Erykah Badu vc*. Let us add up the cost for ONE product's labeling:

(2 labels per jar + 2 different sizes) x 5 different scents = 20 rolls of labels
Each roll of labels (minimum 250 labels) costs about $80 per roll with my customer loyalty discount
That's 20 x $80 to upgrade my labels for ONE product.
$1600 for just the labels

The labels for one product. I have 9 different products. My graphic designer and I went back and forth about a few things with the labels for this one product. So when I required new labels for another product, I was kind of over it. Plus I was on a time crunch because I had made promises on when the new packaging would be available.

Fast forward, I meet with the marketing company to really dive deep into what Fancy Free Hair & Skin is all about and who I am as a founder. One of the first things they comment on is my packaging and labeling. AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I got that anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach because.... well, see the calculations above. By the end of the "deep dive" session, we had shifted our focus to other aspect of Fancy Free that could be improved and did not mention the labels again. Then I started working on labels for the Clay Wash and Castor Oil blend (Available sometime this summer. Continue reading if you want to know about what's taking so long). The marketing company asked to see the labels that my graphic designer came up with, the designer who has been with me since day one. The one who I trusted with a major part of my branding. I gave her the go ahead to use more color and to keep in mind that I approve changing the label design to be more "Fancy". The labels she designed for my new products were in line with all of my other product labels. I understood that she wanted them to be cohesive with my existing products but my marketing company had something different in mind. Whole time, I'm confused and unsure, so guess what I did. Nothing. I put the new product release on the shelf and started working on shampoo bar, soap, shampoo and body wash. SMH.

About two weeks after "Label Gate", I go to the grand opening of the Made In Baltimore Pop-Up Store, since my products are being sold there. Fancy Free was set up in a display in the middle of the table with about eight other handmade personal care products. My sister, who is my creative director, and I were looking at my products among the others like "Something isn't right here." I didn't like the way my products looked next to others. I felt like mine looked amateur. I felt like Fancy Free products didn't measure up. Which I know isn't true but just looking at them next to other products made me feel that way. It hit me like a ton of bricks. The marketing company was right. I need to do something about these labels. *hears money flushing down the toilet*

Moral: Sometimes you have to throw everything away and start over.

I know this. I do it all the time during product development. I would make a change in the formula, just to see how it would turn out. The results....TRASH! As duly noted in my lab notebook.

This same theory applies to my labeling. While my current labeling isn't "trash", I realized that they need to be improved in order to give my brand the image it needs to take Fancy Free Hair & Skin to the next level. And while it will cost me money to make changes, it will cost me more in the future if I leave them as they are. After all, marketing and branding are not my ministry, this is why I paid the marketing company to fix my life. Seems counterproductive to hire an expert and then not take the expert's advice.

I spent 2018 putting systems in place, hire and training staff, and building relationships so that I could spend 2019 growing my business. This realization can definitely be filed in the "growing pains" category but Fancy Free and I will be better for it.
Ok. Now that I've told the story. Let me swallow my pride and order these new labels.

Shameless Plug Alert:

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

All They Can Say Is No

I posted something on social media the other day. It was a post with words. I usually don't get a lot of engagement with those kinds of posts but this one resonated with people for whatever reason. It read "If you don't ask, the answer is always no." This is a principle I have lived by for a long time. Here is what started this mindset.

Picture this, Sicily 1932. LOL! No, actually it was College Park, MD, April 2002. I'm all set to graduate with my baccalaureate degree in General Biology in May 2002 when I received a letter in the mail that totally knocked the wind out of my sail. Basically, the letter said that I would not be able to walk because I was short one credit. ONE! CREDIT! Ok. I get it. I wouldn't receive my degree on that day but to say I can't even walk. I felt that was a bit much. Imagine finding this out in April. One

month before graduation. I had to walk. HAD TO! All of my family had already made arrangements to come in town for my graduation. My parents had planned a huge celebration. This couldn't be life. So, I put my thinking cap on and went to talk to my "counselor".
In December 2001, I had a serious car accident that resulted in me having to postpone taking my finals for the fall semester. Which resulted in my not doing so hot on one of my science finals. I was already on thin ice for this class, so I ended up with a D instead of the C I would've probably gotten had I taken the final a scheduled. That class just so happened to be in the category of laboratory science classes that I needed to graduate, resulting in me being short one credit. I was devastated but not defeated. I asked what I could do to get this one credit, so that I could walk. The counselor did not seem optimistic but all I could do was give it my best shot.

Believe it or not, after all of that, this wasn't
even my degree. It was a picture of the "M" 🙄

First, I had to get the registrar's office to approve late registration for a one credit "independent laboratory study class", THEN I had to find a professor who would be willing to read a paper on the research I was doing at my part time job as a research assistant at Walter Reed Army Institute of Research, and grade it with a C or better. Easy breezy, right? Well, it ended up working out but it was stressful as heyall! I had to call on my Emmy award winning acting talents to convince the registrar's office, showing up with pictures of my mangled car, discharge papers from the ICU and, of course, eyes full of tears. It worked. I was registered for a one credit laboratory class in the proper category.

The most stressful part was finding a professor who would read a paper and grade it. Shouldn't have been too hard, I mean University of Maryland College Park had at LEAST 200 faculty in the Life Sciences department alone. I could find one who would do that for me. All I needed was one yes. Just one. One professor who would do a solid for a mediocre, not so memorable student they had never met before. *sigh* That was the reality I was facing but all they could say is "No", right? I would never know what they would say if I didn't ask. And besides, I only needed one "Yes." So, I started emailing. And emailing. And emailing. I emailed every. single. professor. at UMCP's department of Life Sciences. Every last one of them. All of them said no, except for one. And that's all I needed was one yes. I wrote the paper, got an A, not only walked in my graduation but actually finished that chapter of my undergraduate studies on time. Barely. But I did it.

I went on to get a second bachelor degree, a master's degree and become a certified specialist in my

How a Transfusion Services Supervisor's desk looks. LOL!

field. My career goal was to become a laboratory manager. I hit that goal by the time I was 29. How? I reluctantly took a job at the American Red Cross after I graduated from the National Institutes of Health's Specialist in Blood Bank program. I loved what I did but I hated the work environment. One evening, after a I had a disagreement with my immediate supervisor, I went online looking for a new job. I saw the position for a Blood Bank Supervisor. They wanted someone with managerial experience. I had just finished school, so I didn't have that. I applied anyway. What's the worse that could happen? All they can do is say "no". They didn't though. They took a chance on me and EYE was able to leave that god awful work environment I hated.

I have a few friends who thanked me for giving them the same advice when they were applying for graduate and professional school." Just apply. So what if your scores aren't where they recommend. All they can say is no. You only need one yes anyway." They took my advice and BOOM! They were admitted and right back on track to hitting their goals. Ok, you applied to 10 graduate programs and got rejected from 9. Go to the one who accepted you. Duh! LOL!

You will not die if you get told no. I mean, your feelings may be hurt but you will not physically perish and cease to exist. So, stop being afraid of hearing it. Shoot your shot. The worst thing that could happen is you get rejected. So what!!! Brush yourself off. Figure out why you were rejected. Improve. Try again or go somewhere else and try. However, if they say yes.....EVERYONE wins. But if you never ask, if you never try, the answer will always be "no". And you'll probably always be wondering "What if I had gone for it?"

MORAL: Life is way too short to live with regret. Just do it. If it works out, it was meant to be. If it doesn't, Jehovah definitely has something better in store for you. Trust.

Shameless Plug Alert:

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Weeding The Garden: Identifying Relationships To Eliminate

I know there are 9 bridesmaids pictured.
2 of them are my sisters so they don't count. LOL!

I don't know why I hear so many women say they have a hard time staying friends with women. I have a rack of close friends that I've accumulated over the years. For example: I had 7 bridesmaids in my wedding when I was 27. I was close with all of them. I am still close with all of them. If I were to get married again at 37, I'd probably have a few more.....like 15 total. I don't know. Maybe I'm a friend hoarder. LOL!

Now, of course, a few weeds made their way into my garden but I weed often, so they didn't last long.

Characteristics Of Weeds

1. Negative energy.
Sometimes it's hard to read energy. I have become more in tuned with my intuition as I have matured. I decide if a relationship is worth building just like I run a business or a laboratory, hire and fire quickly. Relationships with history can be mended but if someone is shady or doing people close to them wrong, it's only a matter of time before you're the victim. *DELETE* I wish you well but I don't want that around me. I work too hard to attract love and light into my life.

2. Haters/Frienemy.
These people are always watching what you're doing. Instead of congratulating you or celebrating

you, they know someone who is doing better or they go out of their way to "one up" you. These people also find a way to point out the smallest flaw. They don't do it in love either. They don't want you to think to highly of yourself. NOPE! *DELETE* What is for me is for me. If you are not happy for me, go over there and be sad away from me.

3. Never shows up.
When I say "show up", I mean physically and just to have someone to talk to. When a relationship

gets to the point where it's not adding value to your life, then it's time to end it. Quickly. I am a giving person, but I also need love too. One sided relationships have no place in the Fancy Life. *DELETE*

4. Makes every situation about them.
When you realize that everything isn't about you, it's so much easier not to take things personally. You definitely don't get offended. I just don't want to be around insecure people. The last thing I don't want to do is start being paranoid, thinking everyone is talking about me or doesn't like me for one odd reason or another. It's way too stressful. I ain't got time for extra stress in my life. I don't attend pity parties. *DELETE*

5. Doesn't invite you.
They half ass show up to your events and when they have something they "thought you were busy" or "wouldn't be interested". The truth is, they didn't want you there. When you shine, some people don't want you around their people because they don't want you to out shine them OR, now lean in and read this closely, they don't want you around the people they talk shit about you to. You know, to show those people the the truth about you. Not interested. *DELETE*

A couple of new flowers. No weed zone.

When you realize that someone in your life is displaying one, some or ALL of these characteristics, CUT THEM OUT of your life!!! And I do not care who they are to you. NO ONE IS EXEMPT! People spend a lifetime coping with family issues and the like. So if you realize that one of the weeds in your life is your parent, sibling, cousin, best friend from kindergarden, whomever it may be, if they are no longer adding value to your life, you will be better off without them. Trust me. I have real life example.

Shameless Plug Alert:

Fancy Free Hair & Skin manufactures quality products for hair and skin, as well as provides natural hair consults for women who would like assistance on their natural hair journey. Our motto is "Keeping you chemical free." Visit our website, www.fancyfreehairandskin.com, to see a full range of our products and services. Sign up for our mailing list to receive natural hair tips and stay up to date on sales and the latest happenings with Fancy Free.

Monday, December 18, 2017

The Woods' Celebrate Ten: Vegas Celebration Recap

Wow! It's been 10 years since my husband and I said "I do." It went by so quickly. However, it was not all peaches and cream. If I'm going to be completely honest, years one through six were rough. Divorce lawyers were consulted. Separate bedrooms were slept in. Apartments leases were explored. It was a rough road but my mother gave me some good advice when I would complain about my husband to her. She said "If you leave once, it will be easier to leave again and again and again, until there's nothing to return to."

Clearly, we stuck it out. We made it to our 10th anniversary. The separate bedroom thing lasted for like 3 hours. LOL! The apartments were only a few quick Google searches. The truth is, in all of our mess, we love each other and always knew that we were made for each other, so why fake like we could ever live apart? Year six, we put in some serious work on our marriage and on ourselves. The truth is, no matter how great you may seem to everyone on the outside, the people in your house see your true colors and know how horrible your poop smells. Our grass is green but our water bill is astronomical. Moral: We have paid the price for our happiness.

Year seven was bliss, as close to a happy marriage as we had ever seen. Year eight, I found out I was pregnant and almost lost my life giving birth (Click HERE to read all about that experience). So year nine was even better than year seven and eight because there was a new lease on life. Near death experiences tend to have that effect on people. So, we decided that we would renew our vows for our anniversary in 2017. Neither one of us had never been to Las Vegas, so we thought it'd be a good idea to do it there. I had visions of super fly cocktail attire in a tacky chapel with Elvis performing the ceremony. But what's a vow renewal without the people you are close to being their to witness? I sent out a little text invite to get a gauge of who wanted to come. Then life happened....

I became a full time entrepreneur and my son grew from a cute little infant into an active toddler. I got busy, so I delegated the planning. I hired Cordially Invited Events to put it all together. I literally only told them that I wanted a wedding at a tacky chapel and to take everyone who came out to dinner afterward. Dassit. When I tell you my husband and I were overwhelmed by the experience, that is an understatement. We thought maybe 50 people would respond and only about 30 people would show up. Almost 70 people made their way to Vegas to celebrate with us. The chapel was perfect. The meal venue was fly, black owned, and the food was delicious. The decor was super cute and represented our union flawlessly. The icing on the cake was that one of my bestest, most deserving girlfriends got engaged. It was a perfect weekend.

We had so much fun with our family and friends. It was truly a memorable event. I want to share this experience with you. Click HERE to see some of the pictures. If you want to watch the re-cap video (it's about 6 minutes), click HERE.

I have to list the Production Credits because it was a production. Ashanti and I really just showed up.
Event Planners: Cordially Invited Events
Photographer: Nice Shot, Kyle Pompey
Videographer: Apeture, Stephen Jones
Make Up: Beauty By Bre
Dress: Brides and Grooms, Pikesville, MD
Jacket: Turning Point
Arto and Syvilla Woods: Sponsors for Meet and Greet as well as Cocktail Hour
Centry and Preston Greene: Traveling babysitters

Cordially Invited Events handled everything from arranging the hotels, guest transportation to and from the chapel, harrassing Mandalay Bay after the shooting to try to get us some complimentary stuff and upgrades, table decor at the lunch, running around when all the decor didn't get delivered on time, harassing me to make sure I had my slide show together after my hard drive crashed and I lost all of my pictures from 2005-2013 (Thank God for Facebook). I'm sure there are other things they handled that I didn't know about but they'll spill it at the Post-Event Debriefing. LOL!

Kyle and Stephen....what can I say. These are two of the most humble and talented "shooters" I know. They are usually out doing celebrity shoots and high profile jobs but they penciled the Woods' in for 4 whole days to make sure our weekend was captured properly, from all angles. A photographer once told me "You only get one time to capture the moment. Then you can re-live it over and over again. Never be cheap with capturing it." I am so thankful for them. We keep looking at all of these shots and video just smiling and laughing and blushing. Stephen even over came his fear of flying to take his longest flight ever, just for us. We had NO IDEA! As if him being there wasn't special enough, that made it even more meaningful.

Quinceanara/Bride of Beetleguise Dress

Of course there was dress drama. My sister, Thee Fashioneer, found me a fly dress way in advance that had to be made custom. I ordered it. It came. It was hideous. I had 6 weeks to get it together. I couldn't find anything I liked on the interwebs that was within my budget. So, one day I was out running errands and decided to stop in Brides and Grooms, on the corner of Reisterstown Rd. and Slade Ave. The sales lady gave me a side eye when I said "wedding" and "2 weeks" in the same sentence but found me 2 dresses in my size and desired color within my budget. The first one I tried on was the one.

Ashanti and I always talk about how blessed we are to have 2 sets of AMAZING parents. We definitely could have been dealt a different hand in life. When I told Mama Woods we were over budget for the meal (I definitely didn't budget for 70 people. LOL!), she stepped right in because "Don't be coming all the way to Vegas and trying to penny pinch the details". Her words. Not mine. She went to Sam's Club and balled out for snacks, drinks and liquor for us to have in our suite over the weekend. I'm so happy our parents have a great relationship with each other. Both sets worked out their "Vegas Fun" schedules with each other so they could be available to hang out with their grandson while we had fun celebrating.

Becoming a full time entrepreneur has been a HUGE financial sacrifice for us but some things deserve a proper celebration. We planned, budgeted, and saved for over a year to prepare for this so that our responsibilities wouldn't suffer in the aftermath. I had many second thoughts but always came back to life being about moments and experiences. I am SO happy we followed through with this plan. Thanks for reading. Now get back to work. LOL!

Monday, December 11, 2017

Stop Being a "Punk A$$ Chauncey": Hair Edition

One time I went out and my twist out was super popping!

One of the most "interesting" comments I hear from women of color when they compliment my hair is that "I wish I could go natural". GURL! Whet?!?! A loooooong string of questions pop in to my head. Why can't you? What's stopping you? What's wrong with wearing your hair in the texture that it grows out of your head? But I always smile and say "Awwww! You CAN!" When I hear women say things like this it makes me sad. Sad that people think that they are not going to be accepted for being who they are. Sad people don't want to wear their hair the way Jehovah made it. Sad that they accept the European standard of beauty when they are descendants of Africa. Sad that they would prefer to subject their body to harsh chemicals, chemical burns, heat burns, tension alopecia and everything else that comes along with not letting your hair just "be". Sad that they think their hair is nappy (in a negative way) and unmanageable in it's natural state. I want to scream STOP THIS!!!!! But I've been in therapy for about 5 years now and I am learning to be empathetic. I know that a drastic change in appearance takes a lot of mental preparation.

As a nerd, I gather data. About 85% of the natural consults I have are with women who want to wear textured styles but are scared of how their hair will turn out, wanting their hair to look like something they saw on the internet instead of figuring out what's best for their hair. I end up doing "hair counseling" instead of consulting. I am so happy that they are taking the first step. Even happier to help them. And elated when they report their hair "breakthroughs" to me.

Me, at work, with crazy hair
but still working.

Your hair is your hair. My hair is my hair. I have about 4 different textures of hair in my head. My hair tends to dry out. My hair flops forward into my face no matter how I style it. I stopped trying to do bantu knots, they just don't work for me. A lot of product in my hair ruins the style. I never used edge control, just Fancy Free products, a brush and a scarf. These are things I've learned about my hair over the past 7 years of not having relaxer. I have my hair routine down to a science. I rarely deviate from it because I've learned many a tough lesson.

My point is, Jehovah has designed everyone with intention and intrinsic beauty. Flaws and all, you are beautiful with short hair, long hair, straight hair, tightly coiled hair, etc. In 2017, if you are denied a job or an opportunity because of the way your hair is styled then maybe that thing you thought you wanted isn't for you. I just wouldn't encourage someone to go after that something that requires they look like something they aren't. In mind, they're gonna take whatever hairstyle you walk in there with and deal with it. You'd be surprised how complimentary people are of your natural styles. I've found that most have, what I call, "volume envy". They wish that they too could have big hair or switch their hairstyles up the way we can.

To anyone considering the transition to natural hair, my advice is to just do it. There is no time like the present. Think long, think wrong.

Shameless Plug Alert:

Fancy Free, LLC. is the manufacturer of quality products for hair and skin and natural hair consultant for women who would like assistance on their natural hair journey. Our motto is "Keeping you chemical free." Visit our website, www.fancyfreellc.com, to see a full range of our products and services. Sign up for our mailing list to receive natural hair tips and stay up to date on sales and the latest happenings with Fancy Free.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

Rejoice! Once was lost....

My husband and I started dating while we were both in school. About 3 years in, we were talking about marriage. I made it clear to him that I did not need a ring to plan a wedding and that I was ok with just a wedding band when we did get married. I did not want to start our marriage in debt, considering he would only be working for a few months before we got married. However, my husband is a man. Men have pride. An engagement ring is a kind of ego boost for a man. He chased and caught me. I was his prize. He needed to claim it with a ring. His response to my fiscally responsible plan was "I am Ashanti Woods. My fiancee WILL have a ring." Ok, dear. Whatever.

He researched. Learned about diamonds and found a way to buy me a beautiful high quality diamond engagement ring. The very next thing he told me after I said yes was "I'm going to get you something bigger when I finish residency." (Lawd. I'm tearing up as I write this.)

Push Gift

Well, residency came and went. We had marital problems. He wasn't sure I deserved an upgrade. I wasn't sure we would stay married. We worked on us. We fixed it. We bought our dream home knowing it was a money pit. We started a family. I was really swollen during pregnancy. So swollen that we had to pry that ring off of my swollen pregnant fingers. Literally, with olive oil, ice and dental floss. The ring he had sacrificed to buy me, with no job, went into the original box and locked into our safe.

Mother's Day Gift

We joked about me not wanting to look like a single mother without a wedding ring while pregnant. He bought me a push gift. A beautiful gemstone set. I LOVE that ring. THEN, I almost died during delivery (Click HERE to read about that). He bought me another beautiful set for Mother's Day. I LOVE that ring too. Now, here I am with wedding set options and I was still wanting to wear my original set. I know. #FirstWorldProblems. I'd try it on every now and then but my fingers never went all the way down after having my son. My original rings were now too small and needed to be sized up. My husband wanted me to just do it all at once, upgrade the stone and get the rings sized but quitting my job to pursue full-time entrepreneurship pushed that plan a little further off into the future.

After having a good month in sales, I took my set to the jeweler to get sized. I was so happy when I picked it up. It was sparkly and shining like the first day I got it. I wanted to preserve the "fresh from the jeweler" sparkle, so I didn't wear it everyday. When we went on vacation, I decided to wear my push gift ring instead because I'd be devastated if something happened to my original set.

While on vacation, I lost one of my super small studs in the grass. But I found it. My husband kept asking me how I found it. I shrugged. We laughed. Went on about with our vacation fun. We had no idea that lost and found stud was foreshadowing. Jehovah was preparing us for the big lose.

One day in July, I decided to take my son to my girlfriend's house to swim. I put on my beloved original wedding ring set, packed up the kid and start driving. Halfway to her house, I look down and see it. Or don't see it. Either way. My heart dropped. The center stone was missing. I didn't panic. I knew that it was somewhere in the house or the car. I get to my girlfriends house. I search the car. We stay for a few minutes. I go home. I search the alley, garage, back yard. We scour the house. I tell the housekeeper to leave the vacuum contents for me to sift through. Nothing. That was July.

No Center Stone

Unfortunately, I never added my ring, or any other valuable for that matter, to our insurance policy, so, after the deductible, I'd only have $500 to shop for a new diamond if I made a claim. Not worth it. But we were not worried. Sad. But not worried. We remembered that night in the Dominican Republic when I found my stud in the grass and knew that Jehovah wanted us to be at ease. It would show up.

This year makes 10 years of marriage for us. The first six year's were rocky. So we planned on having a small vow renewal in Las Vegas to celebrate us making it to this milestone. We only invited close friends who know what we've overcome. My husband and I haven't talked about my ring but I knew it was in the back of his mind. Things have been tight since I became a full time entrepreneur. We aren't sure we can afford the renewal but we are at a phase in our lives where experiences mean more than things. Not being able to upgrade my ring is no big deal but not having a ring at all.... *phew* It's now November. I lost my stone in July. With the renewal less than a month away, the ring was coming to ring forefront of my mind but I won't dare mention it.

Friday, I was in the alley, struggling with trying to attach my son's carseat base in my car. I never do it in the alley. I always do it in the garage. But my car had been in the shop, so my mother in law's car that I'd been driving was in the garage. I was struggling really bad this time. More than usual. Took off my watch and rings to get in to it. Was twisting and changing angles when I see a little twinkle coming from the seam of the carseat. I stepped back. Looked again. The sun was hitting it at the right angle. It was my diamond!

It's a big deal to me.

Hallelujah!! I hollered. Tears came to my eyes. Unbelievable! All this time. It was right there. I tried to grab it and it fell into the depths of my car's door trim. Riddled with wires and snaps. I started pulling it apart but I was running late to get the kid from daycare.

First call. My husband. Best news all month. Made his day. Took the car to my father. He pulls the seat and door trim apart. Viola! Diamond in hand. Won't He do it! All praises. Jehovah always delivers. Now we're so happy to have that original diamond. Smaller than the diamond my husband wants me to have but it means soooo much more to us now that we found it after thinking it may have been lost forever.

Moral: Jehovah be mentally preparing you for things to come and youoneemknowit. Appreciate what you have. If it's taken away, you will be sad. Allow the sadness but have faith that Jehovah will restore it when the time is right.

I'm sure there are some other lessons that I needed to learn from this. I'll let y'all know after I meditate on it for a little while longer. Until then, pray and have faith. Everything is going to be alright. Everything you lost will be restored.