Friday, August 29, 2014

Ice. Cold.

A very close friend of mine modified my "nickname" by adding Ice Cold to it. So, sometimes he calls me "Ice" or "Ice Cold Fancy". We laugh about it because it's really not true. Well, it's not all the way true. My college roommate says I'm the most generous person she knows. I will give my last, even when that means I have to go without. I go above and beyond. People close to me benefit from my generosity. But what does that mean for me? Because all actions have repercussions...good and bad.

How can being generous, loving and caring have a negative consequences? I'll tell you how. I get hurt. I get hurt badly. I get hurt badly....repeatedly by people I love. I do things for people I love because I love them. I do for people I don't know because I'm caring. And it's totally out of the kindness of my heart. I get hurt when I feel like my actions are not appreciated. I know everyone isn't vocal and can't express themselves with words. Those people usually show appreciation with small gestures. I know I am appreciated. That's all I ask. Just show appreciation the best way you can.

Now, I am not going to let people change who I am at my core. Jehovah made me this way. I am genuine. Jesus taught us to love one another. I am loving. However, I will not continue to put myself in positions to get hurt. I am a strong believer that you teach people how to treat you. If I accept treatment that hurts me, the offender will continue to hurt me. It's a proven fact. So, I will love, support, treat, buy, name it. I will do it for you. The very minute I am hurt, I expect accountability. Own it and apologize. I am forgiving. We are all human. I can't expect someone to forgive me when I have wronged them when I am not willing to forgive them. HOWEVER, if the offender is not willing to take my feelings into account and apologize for how their actions or lack there of effected eyes are opened. I realize that person will have to be loved from a distance. You will no longer reap the benefits of "loving" Fancy. You get cordial, professional Ice Cold Fancy. Take it personal. It's a defense mechanism. I have to protect myself because no human being cares more about me....than I do.

Having a big heart sometimes allows me to get hurt. However, I never stop loving people that I truly love. But I will not continually subject myself to poor treatment. Call me Ice Cold. I just don't want to become bitter and lash out on people who don't deserve it because someone else in my life didn't want to be held accountable for how they hurt me. I pull the weeds from the root and continue to enjoy my Fancy life. Unbothered. Loving fun. Giving freely. Performing random acts of kindness. While those who didn't prove to deserve that from me only see Ice Cold.

Until next time. Stay away from those people who hurt you repeatedly and enjoy your Fancy life.....without them.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Wearing the Crown

Do you wear the crown? You know. "The Crown". What is the "crown" anyway? Let's take a "crown" wearing quiz? Do people always come to you with their problems? Not just your close friends and family looking for a listening ear or a problem solving session. I'm talking about random people in the grocery store or doctor's office. How about at work? Does everyone in your office look to you for the solutions? Are you the one always caught in the middle of family feuds and everyone expects you to resolve it? Do you have an issue with mediocrity? Like, when you are put on task, you can only crank out stellar results? Do you go to great lengths trying to help someone we great? So much so that it seems that you want greater for them than they want for themselves? Are you constantly looking for ways to improve.......everything? Have you been challenged with doing a job better than someone else and you actually did it better?

If you answered yes to 90% of those questions, then you wear "The Crown". Don't cry. I know, it's a hard life. But, because you are awesome, you wouldn't have it any other way. You are the person that gets rewarded with more responsibility at work because you're so good at what you do. They know you will be top notch with more. You proof read your friends' and family's resumes. You get put on planning committees for family reunions and baby showers even when you insist on not being involved. You will eventually be the glue that keeps your family together when your parents pass and your parents know this. Your significant other looks to you when there is a disaster because history has shown that you can fix anything.

You may not have ever thought of it this way, but it is all your fault. If you weren't so good at everything, no one would look to you for help, input or guidance. It's a simple theory. No one begs Aunt Carolyn to bring those nasty biscuits to holiday dinner every year if they're nasty the first year. They ask Aunt Helen to make them because Aunt Helen's biscuits are delicious. She does a great job with each and every batch.

How do you cope with wearing the crown? You must have outlets. These can be regular outings with other crown wearers. You can bounce other Crown-like ideas off of each other. Maybe have a rant session about how draining it is to be so awesome everyday. LOL! This is the only place ranting is allowed.  Therapy is a good one. Therapist are trained professionals who can suggest clinically proven methods to fit your personality and lifestyle. Don't sleep on therapy. A few good therapy sessions can keep your anxiety levels low for years to come. Reading, shopping, traveling, cuddling, laying on the couch......pretty much anything that you do strictly for your own enjoyment can be used as an outlet.

Here are 5Linx to maintaining your sanity while you sport your precious crown:
  1. Never reduce your standards. You wear the crown because you are great and no one can take that away from you.
  2. Be kind but firm. We have to maintain our high level of expectations. However, we can communicate in warm tones. Season your words with salt. They will be received better.
  3. The word "no" should be an integral part of your vocabulary. Your peace of mind is your most valuable asset. Some times you have to say "no" in order to maintain that.
  4. Help out where your help is deserved. Sometimes we want to lend a helping hand where we see a need but we know our efforts will not be appreciated. Never allow people to take your efforts to be wasted.
  5. Always look for the silver lining. Perspective is EVERYTHING. Having a positive outlook can completely change the outcome of a situation for the better.
When you accept your "Fancy" crown, it comes with benefits as well as challenges. Wear your crown with pride but remember to utilize your outlets to maintain your own happiness. If you wear a crown and feel the need to collaborate with others who wear the same crown, text WOODS to 55469. 

Until next time, wear your "Fancy" crown with pride....