All They Can Say Is No

I posted something on social media the other day. It was a post with words. I usually don't get a lot of engagement with those kinds of posts but this one resonated with people for whatever reason. It read "If you don't ask, the answer is always no." This is a principle I have lived by for a long time. Here is what started this mindset.

Picture this, Sicily 1932. LOL! No, actually it was College Park, MD, April 2002. I'm all set to graduate with my baccalaureate degree in General Biology in May 2002 when I received a letter in the mail that totally knocked the wind out of my sail. Basically, the letter said that I would not be able to walk because I was short one credit. ONE! CREDIT! Ok. I get it. I wouldn't receive my degree on that day but to say I can't even walk. I felt that was a bit much. Imagine finding this out in April. One

month before graduation. I had to walk. HAD TO! All of my family had already made arrangements to come in town for my graduation. My parents had planned a huge celebration. This couldn't be life. So, I put my thinking cap on and went to talk to my "counselor".
In December 2001, I had a serious car accident that resulted in me having to postpone taking my finals for the fall semester. Which resulted in my not doing so hot on one of my science finals. I was already on thin ice for this class, so I ended up with a D instead of the C I would've probably gotten had I taken the final a scheduled. That class just so happened to be in the category of laboratory science classes that I needed to graduate, resulting in me being short one credit. I was devastated but not defeated. I asked what I could do to get this one credit, so that I could walk. The counselor did not seem optimistic but all I could do was give it my best shot.

Believe it or not, after all of that, this wasn't
even my degree. It was a picture of the "M" 🙄

First, I had to get the registrar's office to approve late registration for a one credit "independent laboratory study class", THEN I had to find a professor who would be willing to read a paper on the research I was doing at my part time job as a research assistant at Walter Reed Army Institute of Research, and grade it with a C or better. Easy breezy, right? Well, it ended up working out but it was stressful as heyall! I had to call on my Emmy award winning acting talents to convince the registrar's office, showing up with pictures of my mangled car, discharge papers from the ICU and, of course, eyes full of tears. It worked. I was registered for a one credit laboratory class in the proper category.

The most stressful part was finding a professor who would read a paper and grade it. Shouldn't have been too hard, I mean University of Maryland College Park had at LEAST 200 faculty in the Life Sciences department alone. I could find one who would do that for me. All I needed was one yes. Just one. One professor who would do a solid for a mediocre, not so memorable student they had never met before. *sigh* That was the reality I was facing but all they could say is "No", right? I would never know what they would say if I didn't ask. And besides, I only needed one "Yes." So, I started emailing. And emailing. And emailing. I emailed every. single. professor. at UMCP's department of Life Sciences. Every last one of them. All of them said no, except for one. And that's all I needed was one yes. I wrote the paper, got an A, not only walked in my graduation but actually finished that chapter of my undergraduate studies on time. Barely. But I did it.

I went on to get a second bachelor degree, a master's degree and become a certified specialist in my

How a Transfusion Services Supervisor's desk looks. LOL!

field. My career goal was to become a laboratory manager. I hit that goal by the time I was 29. How? I reluctantly took a job at the American Red Cross after I graduated from the National Institutes of Health's Specialist in Blood Bank program. I loved what I did but I hated the work environment. One evening, after a I had a disagreement with my immediate supervisor, I went online looking for a new job. I saw the position for a Blood Bank Supervisor. They wanted someone with managerial experience. I had just finished school, so I didn't have that. I applied anyway. What's the worse that could happen? All they can do is say "no". They didn't though. They took a chance on me and EYE was able to leave that god awful work environment I hated.

I have a few friends who thanked me for giving them the same advice when they were applying for graduate and professional school." Just apply. So what if your scores aren't where they recommend. All they can say is no. You only need one yes anyway." They took my advice and BOOM! They were admitted and right back on track to hitting their goals. Ok, you applied to 10 graduate programs and got rejected from 9. Go to the one who accepted you. Duh! LOL!

You will not die if you get told no. I mean, your feelings may be hurt but you will not physically perish and cease to exist. So, stop being afraid of hearing it. Shoot your shot. The worst thing that could happen is you get rejected. So what!!! Brush yourself off. Figure out why you were rejected. Improve. Try again or go somewhere else and try. However, if they say yes.....EVERYONE wins. But if you never ask, if you never try, the answer will always be "no". And you'll probably always be wondering "What if I had gone for it?"

MORAL: Life is way too short to live with regret. Just do it. If it works out, it was meant to be. If it doesn't, Jehovah definitely has something better in store for you. Trust.

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If It Ain't Broke

When I launched my iFundWomen fundraiser, my plan was to increase marketing budget to increase revenue. Simple. I raised the money and found a marketing team that had great ideas. We got our marketing plan together and started to revamp the Fancy Free brand by emphasizing my role as a scientist behind the products with real knowledge. So we got busy getting things in order. I launched the Fancy Free Hair Profile quiz which allowed women to categorize their hair styling preferences and we would provide instructions on how to use Fancy Free products based on the styling preference. The rationale behind this is that no one really understands all of the natural hair "jargon" that's out there. Low porosity, 4c, blah blah blah. None of that really matters if you keep your hair in a weave most of the time.

Then I decided, without really consulting anyone, that I was going to spruce up the website. Give it a fresh clean look to celebrate being a full-time entrepreneur for one year. I looked at some website themes that I liked. Had the Fancy Free team vote on it. Purchased it. Hired someone to transfer all of my data. Went back and forth with the contracted developer. Did my own tweaking and then finally, it was time to launch.

I took a nap and woke up around 1a so that I could flip the switch and do some testing to make sure everything was working properly. And what happened? You guessed it. All hell broke loose. Well, not really hell, but nothing was going as anticipated.

First thing, my new, upgraded website that I had been working on it for a little over a month, wouldn't go live for whatever reason. I kept getting error messages. *sigh* I wasn't sure if it was my internet connection (Xfinity is known for being janky), my computer (It is 4 years old, so it might be time for an upgrade), or my browser (I always use Chrome, so this was a first). I figured it out, switched browsers and got the new website up and running. Then I went to test it....

Everything was trash. It was really slow to load (a BIG no no for shopping online). None of my vital add on functions were working with the theme. To be clear, I tested the website prior to going live but I was told that the functions I was looking for could only be seen went it was live. 🙄 The product pictures were distorted. There was information and stats visible to customers that shouldn't have been. It was all just trash. So, I made an executive decision to just go back to my old website. I updated the pictures and few other things. It worked fine. Everything was functioning properly. All by a little after 4a. Yaaaaayyy!!! *insert sarcasm*

Lesson: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Sometimes we want to upgrade for the sake of upgrading. Even when the version you're using is working perfectly fine. It could be a phone, car, house, whatever. Making HUGE changes can cost lots of money and time. Save the money, spend your time working on something else because small tweeks and improvements can be just as effective as large overhauls, without the headache.
I spent hundreds of dollars and over 1 month working on something that turned out to be useless while the current version was working just fine.

Lesson learned. I get it now. Before I dive into making a huge "improvement", I will ask myself. Is what you're using working? Can you make improvements to your current process without replacing it? Is it necessary? This entrepreneurship life ain't no crystal stair but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Shameless Plug Alert:

Fancy Free Hair & Skin manufactures quality products for hair and skin, as well as provides natural hair consults for women who would like assistance on their natural hair journey. Our motto is "Keeping you chemical free." Visit our website, www.fancyfreehairandskin.com, to see a full range of our products and services. Sign up for our mailing list to receive natural hair tips and stay up to date on sales and the latest happenings with Fancy Free.

Subscribe and become Fancy's Friend to receive a code for 10% off your next purchase. 

Being Honest - What You Stand To Lose When You Tell The Truth

https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/776931520/pinnochio_400x400.gif

Honesty is the best policy. Being honest says more about you than most anything you do. However,
everyone isn't ready for the truth and what the truth means to them. There are consequences to being completely honest. Sometimes telling the truth will result in loses. Be prepared but always be honest.

Things You May Lose When You Tell The Truth 

1. Guilt 
Whether it be revealing your true feelings or telling a business owner about a huge mistake you made with payroll. Telling someone who you love them can relieve lots of guilt if they pass. We know they knew how we felt. There is no guilty feeling of "I never told them that I loved them." Suppose we make an error while processing payroll but do not let anyone know. The havoc associated with bounced pay checks and bank fees might be profound. Imagine how guilty you would feel watching the business owner see the consequences of your error. Knowing that being honest about your mistake could have, at the very least, mentally prepared the owner for what was to come or, even better, take measures to fix the error.

2. Lack of respect 
No matter how harsh it may come out, the truth is always respected. We gain respect when we have the courage to speak on the things that are hard to say. If someone did not respect you, they will after you have been honest about something that most people will not. A reputation for being honest is much more respected than a reputation for being "nice".

3. Weak associations 
 Whether it be family or friends, only weak people do not want to hear the truth about themselves or a situation. Personal growth comes when you work toward becoming a better person, which begins with owning your truth. Everyone is not in that space at the same time. Everyone is not strong enough to face those hard truths about themselves. While it is perfectly fine to accept people for who they are and where they are in life, people who are not ready to face their own issues usually shy away from someone who is completely honest. If you are in a space of growth, associations with people who are not growing can stunt your growth. Be honest anyway and let those weak associations go.

 Honesty is the best policy. Being honest will keep you from feeling guilty about not sharing necessary information. You will also gain respect from many and keep up gain an honest reputation. People who are not strong enough to face their own truth will avoid someone who is. Be honest anyway. It is perfectly fine to no longer associate with people who do not encourage your growth.

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Fearless Fancy

Growing up, I was a busy child. Always taking at least one performing arts lesson and participating in at least one sport through out the year. Never any breaks, that means even through out the summer months I was doing something.
Participating in these kinds of activities as a kid gave me a different kind of mindset when it came to trying new things and stepping out into unknown territory. It helped develop my "thick skin" and self esteem.

I took piano lessons for about 10 years. I played classical music mostly. In those 10 years of lessons, the music became more difficult to master but the steps to mastering it were the same. You learn a new skill that's applied to the art, tackle the new music in digestible parts. When each part is mastered, put them all together. Voila! You are playing your classical piece like Chopin himself. At the time, I didn't realize that these piano lessons were actually teaching me life lessons. As adults, we are confronted with situations we have never dealt with before, it makes us uncomfortable. But this is the natural progression of things. After 10 years of lessons and coaching and scales and arpeggios and hand stretches to reach chords, my parents would be disappointed if I were still playing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" with my pointer fingers just because it was easy for me to do that. They expected to hear me fumbling through on Chopin's Nocturne Op.9 No.2 until I got it right or they'd think they were wasting their money. LOL! In performing arts, we are always mastering new skills and testing our limits. No fear. We will get it with enough practice. Well, some times. With small hands, there were always some chords I just couldn't reach cuz it wasn't physically possible. Ha!

It's the same with sports. Although I participated in some team sports, I was never really an "athlete". It just wasn't in my blood. LOL! But, athletes have thick skin just like performers. Constantly getting critiqued. Being told how to improve. Getting scored. Getting judged. Winning competitions. Losing competitions. Auditioning for shows. Trying out for teams. Getting the gig. Not getting the gig. Making the team. Getting cut from the team. It's just what comes with the territory.

When I won a competition, there usually wasn't a big celebration cuz I was supposed to win. I mean, I had been practicing for 3 hours everyday. There was no reason I shouldn't have won. When I didn't win. It was not the end of the world. There is always someone out there better than you or with more natural talent. I'd just have to work harder before the next one. There are always more competitions for you to compete in and win. The scoring sheet would reveal what I needed to improve on so that I could work on it and win the next time.

Life is full of victories but you have to go through some losses along the way. The losses teach you character. The wins build your confidence. Losing or messing up or making a mistake never stopped me from practicing that show piece until it was perfected. A situation in life not turning out how I wanted it to never stopped me from living. Things are as they should be and when they aren't how I want them to be, I've realized that I have a lesson to learn and some things in my life that I need to work on.

Perfecting a new craft takes practice. You will fumble but that's just apart of the process. Don't be scared to push yourself beyond what you think you can do. You will surprise yourself. Test your limits. If you never test them, you will never know your full potential. Jump into new opportunities with both feet. No fear. And don't give up until you are a pro.

Live your Fancy life without fear.

If you are interested in doing something different and mastering a new craft that will foster personal development, click HERE.

Ice. Cold.

A very close friend of mine modified my "nickname" by adding Ice Cold to it. So, sometimes he calls me "Ice" or "Ice Cold Fancy". We laugh about it because it's really not true. Well, it's not all the way true. My college roommate says I'm the most generous person she knows. I will give my last, even when that means I have to go without. I go above and beyond. People close to me benefit from my generosity. But what does that mean for me? Because all actions have repercussions...good and bad.

How can being generous, loving and caring have a negative consequences? I'll tell you how. I get hurt. I get hurt badly. I get hurt badly....repeatedly by people I love. I do things for people I love because I love them. I do for people I don't know because I'm caring. And it's totally out of the kindness of my heart. I get hurt when I feel like my actions are not appreciated. I know everyone isn't vocal and can't express themselves with words. Those people usually show appreciation with small gestures. I know I am appreciated. That's all I ask. Just show appreciation the best way you can.

Now, I am not going to let people change who I am at my core. Jehovah made me this way. I am genuine. Jesus taught us to love one another. I am loving. However, I will not continue to put myself in positions to get hurt. I am a strong believer that you teach people how to treat you. If I accept treatment that hurts me, the offender will continue to hurt me. It's a proven fact. So, I will love, support, treat, buy, chauffeur....you name it. I will do it for you. The very minute I am hurt, I expect accountability. Own it and apologize. I am forgiving. We are all human. I can't expect someone to forgive me when I have wronged them when I am not willing to forgive them. HOWEVER, if the offender is not willing to take my feelings into account and apologize for how their actions or lack there of effected me.....my eyes are opened. I realize that person will have to be loved from a distance. You will no longer reap the benefits of "loving" Fancy. You get cordial, professional Ice Cold Fancy. Take it personal. It's a defense mechanism. I have to protect myself because no human being cares more about me....than I do.

Having a big heart sometimes allows me to get hurt. However, I never stop loving people that I truly love. But I will not continually subject myself to poor treatment. Call me Ice Cold. I just don't want to become bitter and lash out on people who don't deserve it because someone else in my life didn't want to be held accountable for how they hurt me. I pull the weeds from the root and continue to enjoy my Fancy life. Unbothered. Loving fun. Giving freely. Performing random acts of kindness. While those who didn't prove to deserve that from me only see Ice Cold.

Until next time. Stay away from those people who hurt you repeatedly and enjoy your Fancy life.....without them.

Your Comfort Zone

You know what a "comfort zone" is, don't you? It's where you feel comfortable. Be it a job, an activity, a hairstyle, style of clothing, a relationship....I could go on. You get the idea, a comfort zone is were you feel safe. Sometimes being comfortable can hold you back from developing into your full potential.
In the past 3 years of my life, I have been put in multiple situations where I had to step outside of my comfort zone. First it was financial comfort, I put myself in a position of financial "discomfort", so to speak, in order to advance my career. While in the midst of it, it seemed horrible and unbearable but that one calendar year flew by and now we're back on track...financially, anyway. My teaching position, was total leap of faith. I had NEVER imagined myself as a professor, but I stepped out of my comfort zone and, while it's challenging at times, I actually enjoy teaching. Plus, it provides extra funding for my shoe habit. I gave up my long, sleek, infamous "wrap" hairstyle for a wild, natural bush. My new gig, I didn't have any supervisory experience per se, outside of didactic training, but I stepped out of my comfort zone of being an irresponsible bench technologist and jumped in head first as a manager. Now I'm a BAWSE, as Rick Ross says. On my own intuition, I would have NEVER imagined that I would live in the mansion we purchased back in November 2010. I wasn't so sure we could afford it but, in the end it all worked out and we no live in our dream home because we stepped outside of our comfort things.

Matters concerning money, jobs, and homes are things we deal with frequently. But this past weekend was the culmination of me not only stepping out of my comfort zone but totally stepping into a realm where I had NO IDEA what I was doing. I'm talking about planning a BIG event. Not a little party at my house, we're talking a venue, obtaining zoning permits, liquor licenses, vendors, etc. This event was called "Fashioned for Education" and it was a fundraiser for my high school alumnae association. While planning, I hit plenty of speed bumps and discouraging set backs, but I kept on trudging through. In retrospect, there were many a thing I wish had been different or better, however the overall feedback from attendees was positive. The older alumnae were impressed and the alumnae president is now excited about next year's "Fashioned for Education" fundraiser, confirming her decision to appoint me to the fundraising chair.

In the case of "Fashioned for Education" I learned a lot. I learned about myself, who my REAL friends and supporters are, how selfish people are, how selfLESS people are, etc. All of these life lessons I learned because I stepped outside of my comfort zone.  It was one of THE biggest challenges/risks I've ever taken on in my life. Who knew the fundraising chair that never planned an event a day in her life, could pull together such an elegant event? I, by no means, take all of the credit. I had PLENTY of help and input from people who knew what they were doing, but it was my initiative and creativity. I didn't know I had it in me....but now I do.

Look out world, Fancy is coming for you. I think I'm going to make it my business to do something different and new at least once a year. My series of life events has taught me that NOTHING bad can come from abandoning your comfort zone. You may not be a complete success, but you always learn valuable lessons. A wise man once told me that "Anything worth doing is going to be hard, but if it were easy everyone would be doing it."
Learn something about yourself..step outside of your comfort zone.