The Gift Of Life

Mother's Day 2016 with 16 day old Prez & Qilla Quenton, the cat

So, it's Mother's Day. My first Mother's Day as a real mother. When I say real mother, I mean, as a woman whom has risked her life to bring another life into this world. You see, I have a rack of god kids and I consider myself to be a sister mama cuz I helped raise my younger sisters but this year is special. I gave birth to a man child of my own. It's even more special because I nearly lost my life doing it.

That's right. I came very close to the very thing I was so anxious about with childbirth, dying. So instead of basking in the joys of watching my son sleep peacefully while my husband naps, I am getting my will together cuz life is short, it happens fast and I don't want my family to be like Prince's family if I were to pass away suddenly. Not that I have $300 million to fight over but I got a little something something that I worked hard for and I want it to be distributed properly. It doesn't hurt that our financial adviser has been hounding us for it ever since we told him we were having a baby.

But back to how I almost died giving birth to my son.....

My due date was April 26, but I had a dream that my son would be born on April 23. I was certain it was Jesus telling me to prepare so I decided that my last day of work would be April 21. That way I'd have 2 days to relax and do some stuff around the house. I know, I know. A planner to the end but if you fail to plan.....

39 weeks pregnant in my office

On my last day of work, I went in having contractions that were about 5-10 minutes apart. They started at about 2 am, so I figured I'd get my morning meetings out of the way and see what was going to happen. I packed my hospital bag and went into work around 6:30 am to try to get as much done as possible before I HAD to leave. Well, it was a false alarm. The contractions subsided and I completed my last day of work as a full day. Even straightened up my offices a little bit. Then at 8:30 pm, the contractions started again and they didn't stop. We made our way to the hospital and my cervix was 5 cm dilated. I was already 1-2 cm at my last doctors appointment, so I was thinking "3 cms in 2 hours. I think I can do this natural thing." And by "natural thing", I meant, no epidural. My son had a different idea.

3 day old Prez in Daddy's hand

Everyone who see's or holds my son says that he is so calm and peaceful, but that caused a problem when I was trying to get him here. Supposedly, natural labor is not as long as labor with an epidural because you can move around and the baby descends faster than when you are confined to a bed. But they wouldn't let me move or walk around because his heart rate wasn't increasing when I had contractions. He was just chilling. Heart rate was steady. Straight across the board. Like another day at the office. So I had to stay in bed with a monitor attached to me, like I had an epidural. This made natural labor miserable. And even though my husband was a great coach, I began to think "Why am I torturing myself? Just get the epidural." So, I did. I made it to 8 cm without one but my son wasn't descending or responding to the contractions. I felt defeated but I was exhausted with no sleep the night before. So, my husband and I took a nap. LOL!

But we didn't nap for long because something was happening. I had one looooooonnnngggg contraction and my son didn't like it so his heart rate started to drop. They broke my water to relieve pressure, gave me something to stop my contractions and stabilize his heart rate. He came back around. But my contractions were losing steam AND I had regressed from 9 cm dilated back to 8 cm *deep sigh*. Meanwhile, my son STILL was not responding to contractions or moving down. What did the doctor do about that? Gave me pitocin to make my contractions stronger and faster. Then they put me in this weird "pretzel" position to try to get him to come down. 

After being in the pretzel for a little while, I started having back labor. This is was worse pain than regular labor. It was HORRIBLE. I broke down. I cried like a baby. And I do NOT cry. I might shed one thug tear but there is no crying in the "Fancy Life". They showed me how to work the epidural bolus but that wasn't relieving any pain. Finally my doctor came in asking me the big question "What you wanna do?" She explained that I could start pushing to see if I'd dilate some more OR they could do a C-section. My response..."Just get the baby out." I was defeated, in pain, exhausted and I just wanted to meet my kid. So they began the emergency C-section prep. The anesthesiologist comes in to put in the spinal nerve block and asks if I want something a little stronger for the back pain. YYYEEESSSSS!!!! It went down hill from there.

3 day old Prez

While in the pretzel position, my epidural line had moved from my empty spinal space to my vascular space. Meaning, it got inserted into a vein. The anesthesiologist saw how much pain I was in and immediately gave a dose of lidocaine into my epidural line, not knowing that it was in a vein. That lidocaine went STRAIGHT to my brain and I was out. I passed out. I threw up. I started seizing. I had no detectable pulse for about 3 minutes. I coded. They were trying everything to resuscitate me. The whole time, my son's heart rate was steady. Unbothered. I came back like I never left. Like I never skipped a beat. That little episode scared my husband. He said it was the longest 3 minutes of his life. He never gets scared, so I knew it was serious. He said he just kept praying and focused on our son's steady heartbeat until they found my pulse. 

The anesthesiologist fixed the problem with my epidural line and inserted the spinal nerve block. I had no problems with my C-section. My son came out with a nice healthy cry. He got quiet after they cleaned him up and spent that time with us in the operating room just looking around and observing with his calm and peaceful spirit.

During my recovery, the anesthesiologist came to check on me and explained how he should have tested the line but saw how much pain I was in and just wanted to give me something. I understood that. That episode reinforces why we can't skip steps in medical care. He also explained that had it been another medication, other than lidocaine, I could have went into cardiac arrest and passed away. That is scary. The thought of my husband raising our son alone brings me to tears. I had "epidural" guilt. I was thinking that I was selfish to not want to endure the pain of childbirth and it could've cost me my life. But it didn't. I'm healthy. No side effects of the lidocaine, so we think - my husband says he's keeping an eye on me. My son is healthy. No worries. 

It's funny, but not funny, how a near death experience that you don't even remember can put life into perspective. Life is too short not to enjoy the little things. Stop to smell the roses. Be in the moment, where ever you are. Be patient with people and situations. It's never really that serious. Life comes at you fast, so make sure you're happy with it. Quit the job you hate. Jehovah will take care of you. Leave that relationship that makes you miserable. You can do bad by yourself. Focus on the good and good in your life will multiply.

As I receive well wishes on my first mother's day, I have a greater appreciation for the day and being able to give life. 

Mi Familia

Being Honest - What You Stand To Lose When You Tell The Truth

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Honesty is the best policy. Being honest says more about you than most anything you do. However,
everyone isn't ready for the truth and what the truth means to them. There are consequences to being completely honest. Sometimes telling the truth will result in loses. Be prepared but always be honest.

Things You May Lose When You Tell The Truth 

1. Guilt 
Whether it be revealing your true feelings or telling a business owner about a huge mistake you made with payroll. Telling someone who you love them can relieve lots of guilt if they pass. We know they knew how we felt. There is no guilty feeling of "I never told them that I loved them." Suppose we make an error while processing payroll but do not let anyone know. The havoc associated with bounced pay checks and bank fees might be profound. Imagine how guilty you would feel watching the business owner see the consequences of your error. Knowing that being honest about your mistake could have, at the very least, mentally prepared the owner for what was to come or, even better, take measures to fix the error.

2. Lack of respect 
No matter how harsh it may come out, the truth is always respected. We gain respect when we have the courage to speak on the things that are hard to say. If someone did not respect you, they will after you have been honest about something that most people will not. A reputation for being honest is much more respected than a reputation for being "nice".

3. Weak associations 
 Whether it be family or friends, only weak people do not want to hear the truth about themselves or a situation. Personal growth comes when you work toward becoming a better person, which begins with owning your truth. Everyone is not in that space at the same time. Everyone is not strong enough to face those hard truths about themselves. While it is perfectly fine to accept people for who they are and where they are in life, people who are not ready to face their own issues usually shy away from someone who is completely honest. If you are in a space of growth, associations with people who are not growing can stunt your growth. Be honest anyway and let those weak associations go.

 Honesty is the best policy. Being honest will keep you from feeling guilty about not sharing necessary information. You will also gain respect from many and keep up gain an honest reputation. People who are not strong enough to face their own truth will avoid someone who is. Be honest anyway. It is perfectly fine to no longer associate with people who do not encourage your growth.

Fancy Free, LLC. believes in the concept of building relationships that turn into business relationships. We can help you do the same. Contact us at (410) 929-0302 for your complimentary consultation. We would love to help you do the same. Complete the form below to join our emailing list.

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Why?

Ask any kid what they want to be when they grow up and they will probably tell you something very prestigious. An actor. An astronaut. A basketball star. The President of the United States. A singer. And then.......life gets in the way and they forget about their big dreams. Some adult tells them why they can't accomplish these things. They are given all the reasons we cannot make these big dreams become a reality. And sometimes life's circumstances just get in the way.

At an early age, music professional recognized the musician in me. My father gave me some good sound advice based on his life experiences. He encouraged me to go to a college preparatory high school and work on my academics, get good grades, go to college, get a good job and THEN you do the things you "like" to do, as in play around with music. My father taught me to be practical. No more dreams of grandeur.

My husband's parents taught him the same things. The first six years of our relationship, we were in training. Graduate school, residency, training programs, etc. We were in our late twenties and still living like college students. I finally made it out of training. I specialized in my field. I became a Medical Laboratory Scientist Specialist in Blood Banking. I got my "dream job" -in quotations because who really WANTS a job- before the age of 30. I was managing a blood bank and making the salary I had aimed to make at that point in life. My husband had just finished residency when I started my dream job and we had negotiated a contract with his current employer. We were almost to exactly where we wanted to be in our professional life. Obstacles came when my husband's start date was not until NINE months after he finished his residency. How did that create an obstacles? Well, it means he was unemployed for nine months before that salary we had negotiated would begin hitting our bank accounts. 

During those nine months, we bought our dream home. We closed on it four months before he actually started making his big time doctor salary. Long short....we were broker than we had ever been for about six months during a time in life when were supposed to be living abundantly. It was really bad. Like, I was calling my father for gas money and we were alternating who's parents house we were going to eat dinner at every night. Broker than we had been in our pseudo-college student budget days. We knew it was a phase. But it was a very humbling time in our lives. We could see the light at the end of the tunnel. We were getting closer to his start date and we finally got a tenant in our old house. 

Jehovah will send you what you need when you need it but we don't always recognize it. I was talking to a college friend about life in this nine month period of broke-ness. I was joking about how broke we were at the time....laughing to keep from crying. My college friend was telling me about this "thing" he was doing and how my husband and I could make a lot of money. He suggested that we take a look at it. I was like "No." A flat "no". I was over  my hustling days of working 4 jobs. I had my one good job and I knew things would get better when my husband started working. And when he started working, things got better. We were taking our parents out for dinner. Going on vacations. Really, living the Fancy life to it's full capacity. 

Then...it happened. We filed income taxes for the first time when both of us had been earning at our full potential. We learned at that time why they say DINK for Dual Income No Kids. They call it that cuz "DINK!!" is what you say when you see how much you will owe the federal government in taxes when you fit in that category. It was really bad. My accountant suggested we buy a bigger house, have a baby, or start a home based business. That night, I called my college friend and got started with his "thing". I didn't even know what it was. I didn't care. I just knew a few things. I knew that he was my friend and wouldn't set me up for failure. I knew that he was making a lot of money with this thing, so I could make a lot of money. But most importantly, we needed a reprieve on taxes because it could only get worse as our salaries increased. So, I got started. 

It's so funny how you can start a project to make a small improvement in your life and the project can completely change your life. I started my home based business just looking for tax benefits that rental properties and donating money couldn't give me and now I am transforming. I am becoming a better person. This venture has taught me a lot about myself and gave me the desire to develop and improve. My "dream job" has become something I do because I like it and I'm really good at it, not because I need the money. This shift in mindset has totally changed how I manage "work stress" and life stress as well. I have never been around a group of more positive and helpful people in my adult life. My husband and I are able to dream again, just like we are kids. I can travel more than I used to, do things for our family, and, most importantly, not owe an arm and a leg to the IRS at the end of the year. It's been great!! 

Are you looking for something different but aren't quite sure what it is? Has adult life gotten in the way of you living the life you dreamed about as a child? Do you just want to finally get a refund when you file taxes? We can help you dream again. All these things are possible and more. Click HERE and we will contact you to share the details and get you on the path to live your dreams.

The Simple Things

Although my friends call me Fancy, I'm a pretty simple girl. I like nice things but I'm easy to please. Does that even make sense? The people who know and love me completely understand. Here's a list of simple things that make me happy.
1. McDonald's Fruit and Maple Oatmeal
2. McDonald's Hot Fudge Sunday...with nuts please!
3. Sunbathing in my backyard, no extravagant vacation needed.
4. Riding public transportation
5. Andre`champagne
6. The Flea Market
7. Making up dances as my husband plays the drum
8. Grilled in the husk corn on the cob
9. Burnt-on-the-grill hot dogs served on a grilled hot dog bun topped with onions and mustard
10. Red Velvet cake with cream cheese icing
Now that I'm looking at this list, it seems that most of the things that make me happy are food items. LOL! 
I digress, in this time of economical strife, my husband and I have decided to buckle down and minimize our consumer debt. For us, that means enjoying the "Simple Things" more often instead of indulging expensive date nights as we had grown accustomed to doing. Having homemade breakfast in our backyard while enjoying an Andre` mimosa is more desirable than the expensive brunch we used to partake. Take the time to enjoy the simple things, you'll save LOTS of money. Hehe

Clearing the Trees

On November 30, 2010, my husband and I closed on, what we now call the "Woods Estate". Considering the entirety of the home buying process was completed in the fall/winter, we had not given much consideration to landscaping. Then spring arrived. Flowers bloomed, buds sprouted into leaves, bees started buzzing and we took a look at the "Woods Estate" in the spring. Sadly, we realized that the home we were investing so much money in for renovations was hidden by the trees and shrubs that had been neglected for so long by the previous owners. So, I decided to call the tree removal company.
Our trusty tree expert came out, gave is expert advice and ultimately.....the dreaded estimate. My husband and I got into a heated debate about the cost but I assured him that our home would have much more curb appeal and we would be THAT much more happy with it's appearance. He conceded to my requests and I scheduled the tree removal. I also had our Orkin representative on my side, who had suggested removing trees that were close to the side of the house to prevent mice and rats from seeking refuge so close to our living space. On top of everything else, there were some trees in our backyard that were emitting this God awful smell and we couldn't figure out what it was, except that it was coming from the tree.
Fast forward, our tree removal appointment arrives. I greet the crew and begin instructing them on which trees stay, which trees go, and which trees will be transplanted. I go to the kitchen to pack my lunch and I hear the chainsaws. I walk to the living room and I am amazed by how much light is pouring into our front sun room after only 2 trees were removed. It was like a breath of fresh air. I began to get so excited about how much natural light we would get once all 17 trees were removed...which got me thinking.
Sometimes we hold on to things, relationships, and situations because they've have just always been that way. These things we hold on to can become eye sores if left unattended. Without proper pruning and care, they become over grown and interfere with your life rather than enhance it. Un-pruned issues that reside too close to you can be a hiding place for rodents to burrow their way in, causing an even bigger nuisance. Sometimes there is an undeniable stink about a situation you're in and you will reveal some repair needed that was once hidden.
As I transition through different phases of my life, I realize that things, people, relationships, situations, etc. that I once held near and dear are no longer that way. Instead of trying to hold on to them for comfort sake, I've decided to clear them out of my life to make way for natural light and take in a fresh look at life. Initially, the process is hard and may result in internal unrest, but once you see what a big difference removing a few can do, you are anxious to clear the rest.
I look forward to the end of my work day, when I can go home and actually SEE my home from the street instead of wondering what it looks like behind all of those trees. Yes, I'm sure we will discover even more exterior scraping and painting that needs to be done, but such is life. Better to catch it now and fix it early in the game than to wait until it needs to be replaced because it beyond the scope of repair.
Clear the overgrown trees from your life. Inhale the fresh air. Take in the natural light. Be sure to prune the remaining trees. Sometimes we need to cut things off, in order to reveal our true beauty. God wants it this way.

Looking Out

We've all experienced it, a woman in your life who gives unsolicited advice. Be it from a mother, aunt, older co-worker, church lady, it comes from a good place but it's still unsolicited. As a younger woman, I would be the giver of unsolicited advice but sometimes it didn't go over so well because I had yet to master the art of candor. Although, my advice was from a good place, it wasn't always received positively. In turn, for some years, I just kept my mouth shut when my opinion was not asked of me.
However, as I've live more and make decisions, I often find myself in a position where my advice or input is sought after. I guess people are watching me and are encouraged by the direction I'm headed in. I was once told that my spiritual gift was the ability to influence others. I was young then but now I understand it and try my best to put my gift to good use. As I mature, I have become that woman who gives unsolicited advice. I haven't gotten any negative feedback, so far. I hope it's because I am mastering the art of candor. LOL! I realized that the givers of unsolicited advice really care about you.
Sometimes an outsider can see something in you that you can't see in yourself. I have benefited from unsolicited advice. I just knew I was built to be a boss but the education coordinator of my last program saw the "teacher" in me. I would have NEVER went into teaching had she not mentioned it. While I don't claim to be the best professor ever, my students flourish on their rotations after being under my instruction. To here good reports about my students is way more fulfilling than any policy or procedure I can put into place as a boss. Having a close friend tell me that it would be ok not to marry a long time boyfriend jogged my brain and got me thinking. Although I never said anything to her about my relationship status, she could see that I was unhappy. I, in turn, eventually broke up with that guy and ended up marrying my soulmate. That one little sentence worth of unsolicited advice got me on the path to happiness.
My mother used to tell me that people who don't care will talk about you, while people who do care will talk to you. If your heart is telling you to talk to someone about something, talk to them. If someone randomly says something to you about yourself, don't take offense, just listen. It could change your life. Afterall, we all live here together. We HAVE to look out for each other.