The Gift Of Life

Mother's Day 2016 with 16 day old Prez & Qilla Quenton, the cat

So, it's Mother's Day. My first Mother's Day as a real mother. When I say real mother, I mean, as a woman whom has risked her life to bring another life into this world. You see, I have a rack of god kids and I consider myself to be a sister mama cuz I helped raise my younger sisters but this year is special. I gave birth to a man child of my own. It's even more special because I nearly lost my life doing it.

That's right. I came very close to the very thing I was so anxious about with childbirth, dying. So instead of basking in the joys of watching my son sleep peacefully while my husband naps, I am getting my will together cuz life is short, it happens fast and I don't want my family to be like Prince's family if I were to pass away suddenly. Not that I have $300 million to fight over but I got a little something something that I worked hard for and I want it to be distributed properly. It doesn't hurt that our financial adviser has been hounding us for it ever since we told him we were having a baby.

But back to how I almost died giving birth to my son.....

My due date was April 26, but I had a dream that my son would be born on April 23. I was certain it was Jesus telling me to prepare so I decided that my last day of work would be April 21. That way I'd have 2 days to relax and do some stuff around the house. I know, I know. A planner to the end but if you fail to plan.....

39 weeks pregnant in my office

On my last day of work, I went in having contractions that were about 5-10 minutes apart. They started at about 2 am, so I figured I'd get my morning meetings out of the way and see what was going to happen. I packed my hospital bag and went into work around 6:30 am to try to get as much done as possible before I HAD to leave. Well, it was a false alarm. The contractions subsided and I completed my last day of work as a full day. Even straightened up my offices a little bit. Then at 8:30 pm, the contractions started again and they didn't stop. We made our way to the hospital and my cervix was 5 cm dilated. I was already 1-2 cm at my last doctors appointment, so I was thinking "3 cms in 2 hours. I think I can do this natural thing." And by "natural thing", I meant, no epidural. My son had a different idea.

3 day old Prez in Daddy's hand

Everyone who see's or holds my son says that he is so calm and peaceful, but that caused a problem when I was trying to get him here. Supposedly, natural labor is not as long as labor with an epidural because you can move around and the baby descends faster than when you are confined to a bed. But they wouldn't let me move or walk around because his heart rate wasn't increasing when I had contractions. He was just chilling. Heart rate was steady. Straight across the board. Like another day at the office. So I had to stay in bed with a monitor attached to me, like I had an epidural. This made natural labor miserable. And even though my husband was a great coach, I began to think "Why am I torturing myself? Just get the epidural." So, I did. I made it to 8 cm without one but my son wasn't descending or responding to the contractions. I felt defeated but I was exhausted with no sleep the night before. So, my husband and I took a nap. LOL!

But we didn't nap for long because something was happening. I had one looooooonnnngggg contraction and my son didn't like it so his heart rate started to drop. They broke my water to relieve pressure, gave me something to stop my contractions and stabilize his heart rate. He came back around. But my contractions were losing steam AND I had regressed from 9 cm dilated back to 8 cm *deep sigh*. Meanwhile, my son STILL was not responding to contractions or moving down. What did the doctor do about that? Gave me pitocin to make my contractions stronger and faster. Then they put me in this weird "pretzel" position to try to get him to come down. 

After being in the pretzel for a little while, I started having back labor. This is was worse pain than regular labor. It was HORRIBLE. I broke down. I cried like a baby. And I do NOT cry. I might shed one thug tear but there is no crying in the "Fancy Life". They showed me how to work the epidural bolus but that wasn't relieving any pain. Finally my doctor came in asking me the big question "What you wanna do?" She explained that I could start pushing to see if I'd dilate some more OR they could do a C-section. My response..."Just get the baby out." I was defeated, in pain, exhausted and I just wanted to meet my kid. So they began the emergency C-section prep. The anesthesiologist comes in to put in the spinal nerve block and asks if I want something a little stronger for the back pain. YYYEEESSSSS!!!! It went down hill from there.

3 day old Prez

While in the pretzel position, my epidural line had moved from my empty spinal space to my vascular space. Meaning, it got inserted into a vein. The anesthesiologist saw how much pain I was in and immediately gave a dose of lidocaine into my epidural line, not knowing that it was in a vein. That lidocaine went STRAIGHT to my brain and I was out. I passed out. I threw up. I started seizing. I had no detectable pulse for about 3 minutes. I coded. They were trying everything to resuscitate me. The whole time, my son's heart rate was steady. Unbothered. I came back like I never left. Like I never skipped a beat. That little episode scared my husband. He said it was the longest 3 minutes of his life. He never gets scared, so I knew it was serious. He said he just kept praying and focused on our son's steady heartbeat until they found my pulse. 

The anesthesiologist fixed the problem with my epidural line and inserted the spinal nerve block. I had no problems with my C-section. My son came out with a nice healthy cry. He got quiet after they cleaned him up and spent that time with us in the operating room just looking around and observing with his calm and peaceful spirit.

During my recovery, the anesthesiologist came to check on me and explained how he should have tested the line but saw how much pain I was in and just wanted to give me something. I understood that. That episode reinforces why we can't skip steps in medical care. He also explained that had it been another medication, other than lidocaine, I could have went into cardiac arrest and passed away. That is scary. The thought of my husband raising our son alone brings me to tears. I had "epidural" guilt. I was thinking that I was selfish to not want to endure the pain of childbirth and it could've cost me my life. But it didn't. I'm healthy. No side effects of the lidocaine, so we think - my husband says he's keeping an eye on me. My son is healthy. No worries. 

It's funny, but not funny, how a near death experience that you don't even remember can put life into perspective. Life is too short not to enjoy the little things. Stop to smell the roses. Be in the moment, where ever you are. Be patient with people and situations. It's never really that serious. Life comes at you fast, so make sure you're happy with it. Quit the job you hate. Jehovah will take care of you. Leave that relationship that makes you miserable. You can do bad by yourself. Focus on the good and good in your life will multiply.

As I receive well wishes on my first mother's day, I have a greater appreciation for the day and being able to give life. 

Mi Familia

Husbands Need Wives

How does the saying go? "Behind every good man is an even greater woman." Some feminists may say it should read "beside" instead of "behind". To me, it doesn't matter because marriage is a partnership, the "Ultimate Merger". A woman can be beside, behind, in front of....where ever she is, please believe she is "ghost bossing" her husband's life. Whether it is picking out his clothes, managing his money, nudging him in the direction of better opportunity, or even running his household, she is there. Women are natural nurturers and can nurture the most successful man to even greater heights.

5Linx Explaining Why Men Thrive in Marriage

1. Keeping house.
Yes. There are plenty of men who cook and clean but, let's face it, there aren't many. I'm not saying husbands shouldn't share in household duties or chores. I'm saying that it takes a woman to point out where he could use improvement in these areas. i.e. Cleaning the kitchen versus washing dishes. I have had to explain the difference to my own husband. LOL!

2. Caring for children.

Not to discredit fathers but there is nothing like a mother's love. Mothers literally risk their lives giving birth. No one, besides Jehovah, can say they've done more for you than that. Men need wives to bare the children and help nurture them. Even if it were biologically possible, I don't think men could deal with the discomfort and pain of giving birth. I'm just saying....

3. Replacement mama.
The male ego is fragile. Mothers play an important role in molding their sons, building confidence by accolades and applause. Fathers usually help mold their sons with discipline. When a man leaves his mother and cleaves to his wife, he will be looking to his wife for those same accolades. Whether it's for his lackluster attempt at doing laundry or pulling off the deal of the century with his company, men need their wives to cheer them on just as their mothers did.

4. Organization.
Men typically are not organized, at all. Unless it is related to sports or some hobby they have, they usually do not prepare in advance for anything. Be it a party, food for the week, how to stack the tupperware or a vacation. Men have a tendency to not think about upcoming activities until stuff hits the fan. Then they scramble. Wives are there to put events on their husband's calendar, so they know where they have to be and what time they have to be there. Wives know how much money they will have to put aside for the vacation the husband wanted to take. Wives make sure to purchase extra drinks and hors d'oeuvres and rent extra chairs when they see that the husband has invited an extra 50 people to the party they're having.

5. Reality check.
Just like mothers tell their sons that they are doing a great job, they also tell their sons when they need to do
better. Wives do the same thing. We all have tendencies to get comfortable, it is up to wives to give husbands a quick reality check when they're slacking. Be it in the bedroom, with chores or the boardroom. Jay-Z said it best, "Blue told me to remind you..." along with Bey. We gotta remind deez husbands that we ain't marry no slacker. Get out here in deez streets and make moves. LOL!

Whatever you give a woman, she will multiply and make it better. I am so thankful that I have a loving relationship with my mother-in-law. Her son, my husband, is a great catch but she gladly tells people that I got her son together. A special thank you to all the parents for raising great men who turn into husbands. Another thank you to all the mothers who know when it's time to turn their son over to a wife so that she can help him grow into an even greater man.

We are in the business of helping man and woman alike to become great. Contact us at www.fancyfreellc.com