Saturday, December 13, 2008

Ms. Independent, so they say...

Being an "Independent Woman" has become all the new rage now. Everybody is rapping, singing, and talking about how they want a woman who has her own and can do for herself. But do they really? I don't think so. I think they want a woman who has their back if things get tight but REALLY, they want a woman to "play her position" when it's convenient. You know smile and be a trophy in public, while handling all the behind the scenes work without getting any credit. I think they call that "ghost production." LOL!
I pose this question because as an "Independent Woman"-in quotations because I am now married-my life experiences have led me to believe otherwise. Why do I say this? As the judgemental beings we are, most of the time when we see a beautiful woman who is dressed nice, carries herself well, drives a nice car, and appears to have a little bit of stability-money in the bank-they automatically assume that a man is doing it for her, or at least contributing. It's a complete "ghost production" if she's wearing an engagement ring and/or wedding band.
Before I was married, I purchased my own home without any help from a man, I purchased my own car without any help from a man, and I supported my own spa and shopping habits, once again, without any help from a man. But to my surprise, men that I dated would enter my home, and the first question they'd ask was, "You live here by yourself?" I'd simply smile but be thinking "WTF?!?!?". They thought that offering me money for bills or shopping was all I required, instead of time and attention.
Don't get me wrong, my father, a man, was there to help during my journey to independence but he was a man who taught me to fish, not just providing me with fish and a loaf of bread. He taught me to work hard at working smart and then I don't have to work hard, just smart.
Now that I'm married to a good man, who happens to be a doctor, I consider myself to be a WHB-Woman Handling Business-but, people automatically assume that I'm being taken care of. Was I not fly BEFORE I got married? HELLO, what do you think attracted him? Why do you think his mother loves me? Because she knows I'm not after her son's money since I have my own. Did I not have this fur coat BEFORE I even started dating him? Let me get this straight, MY car gets smashed and HE gets a new one, giving me his old car? Does that make any sense? Please, don't get it twisted, we are comfortable now because I worked hard at providing stability for myself BEFORE we got married and while he was in medical school. Yes, two incomes does help. But, if it had not been for MY hard work and, let's not forget, money, our standard of living would not be where it is today. My husband is very humble and does not take any credit for things that he is not responsible. It just bothers me that he has to make the disclaimer, "Naw, she did that." No ghost production with him. :-)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

But I AM a Christian!

So, my husband and I are sitting in church and in walks a person who looks to be a vagabond of sorts, we'll just call him John. You know, wearing multiple layers, inappropriately dressed for the warm weather, clothing kind of unkempt, and dingy looking. However, we see a few people shake his hand and hug him, so we figure he must be a new member or something. On top of that, he has a Sprint Instinct mobile phone. Yeah, it was kind of weird that he was taking pictures of the service with his mobile device, but hey, different strokes for different folks. He was doing other weird things throughout service that my husband and I were making fun of, not that we were singling John out. We make fun of everyone!
A part of ministry in my church is making sure people who don't have transportation get a ride home after service. The person who needs a ride fills out a card that says where they are going and someone in the congregation, who is going in that way, will volunteer to give them a ride. Since my church is on the east side of town and we live on the west side of town, there is hardly ever an instance when I give someone a ride because I am hardly ever "going that way." Well, my husband, being the comedian that he is, whispers to me, "Whoever is going to the west side, we're taking them." We both laugh and think that God knows our heart. Then, at the last minute, what do you know...John raises his hand and says he's going to an intersection that's right around the corner from us. I am cracking up, on the inside, as my husband raises his hand to take John home. Since we couldn't "discuss" the matter in church and right after church, John would be with us, we engage in a text message convo. It went as follows:
Hubby: I'm fixin 2 go put the valuables in da trunk
Me: LOL! I'll ride in the back so you can keep an eye on him
Hubby: I agree, I'm gonna go get some plastic seat covers
After service, I see John while my husband pulls the car around. I introduce myself, shake his hand and when my husband arrives, he shakes John's hand also. John gets in the front and we start riding toward the area John said he was going. He was pretty quiet. It was kind of warm outside and in the car as well. We all know that heat makes bad odors smell worse. We'll just say that John wasn't the most pleasant smelling person in the car. We ride and ride, and finally, John directs us to a location that is no where near what he said in church, but still on our side of town. He tells us to turn and says, "You can drop me off right here." My husband gets out to shake his hand as he leaves. We watch John as he walks toward the indicated house, then walks past it, so we pull off in order to avoid embarrassing John because it was obvious he didn't live at that house. We conclude that John was homeless or was embarrassed of where he was staying.
As soon as we turn the corner, my husband is looking around the car frantically.
Me: What are you looking for?!?!
Hubby: Hand sanitizer! Quick!
I pass him the anti-bacterial wipes and scold him for acting like that as I wipe my hands and instructed him to wipe the steering wheel.
We laughed about the situation but it got me thinking, as Christians, we shouldn't judge but it's human nature to do so. We assumed that John was homeless or, a better description, dirty because of our "judgement" of the situation. In turn, we reacted to touching him as if we could possibly contract some disease from shaking John's hand. My husband and I are not the only people who think this way. Some "Christians" wouldn't have even offered John a ride. We ought to be ashamed of ourselves. We are all children of God. We should treat the "vagabond" the same way we treat our co-workers, Jesus did.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Do I Care?

Recently, a growing number of people in my family have expressed concern about one particular family member's health. I'm just gonna keep it real, the girl is getting fat. We're talking she is 5'9" and used to weigh 125 lbs, but now she is probably close to clearing 200 lbs. Now, we all gain weight as we get up in age but when you can't find a nice dress in your size, you are constantly shoveling food in your face, throwing temper tantrums like a 5 year old child when you think someone is going to take the last serving of your favorite desert, there is a problem. We all talk about it, we watch her in action and shake our heads in disgust. But no one will say anything to her because of her fragile mental state. She's easily offended and proclaims to be happy with her weight in one breath and then talks about how she lost 8 lbs. over the last 2 weeks in the next.
When my beloved overweight family member asks me to make her some more banana pudding after she ate the ENTIRE 6 servings within 24 hours the last time I gave her some, do I brush her off? Do I explain why I REFUSE to contribute to her problem when she doesn't think she has a problem? Do I try to get her to see that there is a problem? Or do I make it and let her eat herself into an oblivion?
The problem is she has some serious health issues and I don't think being overweight is helping them at all. She claims the doctor says she is a normal weight for her height but, to me, all of that jiggle and flab CANNOT be normal.
My mother used to tell me that people who care about you may tell you something that you don't want to hear but they are telling you for your own good so you can improve yourself. I live by that motto. If I said something out of the way, let me know. If I wore something inappropriate, let me know. But when the person you care about is EXTREMELY sensitive, do you still tell them something they don't want to hear? When you hear people talking about her all the time, does she need to know?
The question I ask is do I REALLY care about her if I don't say something in order to spare her feelings or should I expect her to understand that love hurts and I am only hurting her feelings temporarily so that she can better herself?

Friday, August 29, 2008

On the Commuter Train

Commuting to work can be very interesting on the MARC train Penn Line. I have taken on the hobby of people watching instead of reading in order to pass the time on the train. While watching random people and their actions, it causes me to ask myself, "Is this normal?"
  1. Extremely pronounced arm swinging while walking at a fast pace. Does this make you walk faster? Or does walking fast cause this?
  2. Pocket protectors attached to your belt. WTH?!?!
  3. Waking someone up to ask if the seat next to them is taken. Does the pashmina over my head and earphones in my ear not communicate clearly that I don't want to be bothered? Do you not see the lunch bag, purse, AND shopping bag in the seat, indicating it belongs to someone who only left to go to the restroom? Do you NOT see the other 4 people sitting in this section? Couldn't you have asked one of them?
  4. Cutting someone off only to stop in front of them on the escalator. Everyone is in a rush to get home or to work, please keep it moving or step behind people who are moving.
  5. Overweight people. I don't want to sit next to one, as they ALWAYS spill over in to the seat next to them. They impede my commute time by walking slowly in front of me and I can't get around them. They stand on the down escalator. Please, PLEASE, do us all a favor and walk down the escalator. It can't POSSIBLY take THAT much energy.
  6. Eating chips, candy, and other finger foods after touching all of the hand rails and buttons on public transportation. All I have to say is, EEEEEWWWWW!!!!
  7. Crowding around the exit in order to be the first person to exit the train. Is the 30 seconds saved by doing that REALLY going to make a big difference? Do you think I, who have a seat by the door, want to look at your crotch or butt?
  8. Loud cell phone conversations about personal business. Nuff said!
  9. Loud conversations, period. Do you see all of the people with their eyes closed? Do you really think they want to hear you gab on about your kids, your day at work, your hairdresser, your plans for the weekend, etc? Please keep conversations between you and the other person involved, the whole train doesn't need to hear it.
  10. Smells....the good, the bad, and the ugly. Do you think it is necessary to smell up 8 square feet surrounding you? If you leave car parked all day and smell your cologne/perfume when you return to it in the evening, you MIGHT be putting on too much. How do you think your fellow commuter train patrons feel? How do you think your co-workers feel? Please consider showering within 10 hours of boarding the commuter train-some people prefer to shower at night instead of in the morning. Body odor is unacceptable after the age of 7.

In general, I enjoy my commute on the MARC train. I can focus on anything I want to BESIDES driving. The pashmina over my head and headphones generally block out any nuisances, with the exception listed in #3. I know I'll have to do it for at least a year, so I'll just find the humor in all of the people watching I can do.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Knock Knock

It's funny how God has a way of getting your attention. You know, He sends little hints or unavoidable gestures to tell you something when you have been out of communication with Him or you have gotten a little bit out of hand. To avoid a knock out blow, please take heed to the hints and gestures. When we do that, it can only result in the best for us, which is what He wants anyway.

Monday, June 2, 2008

God's Providential Hand

As I reflect on the most recent chain of events in my life, I can't help but see God manifesting Himself in it and I can't help but thank Him as profusely as I laugh at the people who try to steal my joy. Most recently, God has put me in several situations that tested how deeply instilled His ways are in me.
I have had to ask myself, "What would Jesus do?" when I was treated unfairly and had to make a decision as to whether or not I was going to act as ignorant and inconsiderate as the wrong doer or flip my hair "Fancy-style" and do the right thing with a smile as I have been raised to do. I have selflessly given to people in need without thinking twice about it even though I didn't think I could really afford to do it. Something that I viewed as a tragedy has turned out to be what I think is a blessing.
While I like nice things, I do not hoard and hold fast to corruptible things, like money. If I have it and someone I care about needs it, it's theirs, no questions asked. My husband and I decided not to stoop to our wrong doer's level and do the mature thing. Since then, an unbelievable deal on something I really wanted has fallen into my lap and things have been working out for my investments.
So, the moral of the story is, your mother was right and so is your Bible. When your hand is open to give, it is also open to receive. You are blessed so that you can be a blessing. Do what is Godly in all situations, no matter how badly you don't want to. Revenge is the Lord's. God has a wonderful plan for your life, enjoy!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Do I still have it?

While my husband lavishes me with as much attention as he can, I sometimes wonder if the recent lack of attention from the opposite sex if because I'm not as attractive as I was in my bachelorette days or the obvious sign that I'm married....the rings. So, every know and then I may flirt with a guy, just to see if I still have it. Totally innocent, I swear.
After a weekend with my very single younger cousins, I realized that I still have it! The lack of attention, well, I guess some men can be intimidated by the fact that I'm young, fun, fabulous, AND married. I discovered that the married part means that you REALLY have it going on 'cause someone has tied you down. LOL!
So, honey, if you ever read this...I was just checking. LOL!

Saturday, March 1, 2008


nos·tal·gia [no-stal-juh, -jee-uh, nuh-] a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time: a nostalgia for his college days.

Nostalgia can make us want to go back and live in days that have already past us by. Beware, nostalgia may give you a false sense that things were better were in that other relationship, when you had that other job, before you moved out of your parents' house, etc. We tend to forget about the chain of events that made us.....get out of that relationship, get a new job, move out on our own, etc. When reminiscing, remember not to be nostalgic but realistic and most importantly, enjoy the moment you're in. The present is a gift and you will not be able do it over. If you're so stuck in the past that you cannot enjoy life today, maybe you need to make some changes so that you won't be so inclined to want to go backward.
Remember, change is good. Holding on to the past can potentially blocking blessings. Time never moves backward, always forward. And so should you....

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

What the....?!?!?!?

Do you ever wonder why people have aneurysms? Well, Kim Possible, a good friend of mine once suggested that people have aneurysms because they see something that catches their attention and they wonder did anyone else see the same thing. This catchy site is so mind boggling that they find themselves wondering for years and years if anyone else was able to witness this incidence. You know, things that make you saw, "What the...?!?!?!".
For fashionistas, it may be someone wearing white boots in the dead of winter in a non-fashionable way, because it can be done when done correctly. WHAT THE....?!?!?
It could be a crazy man walking down the street BUTT NAKED in the middle of the day. WHAT THE...?!?!?!
Or it could be the plumber or roofer, in my case, not just revealing his crack but his whole behind hanging out of his pants while he is working. I mean really, do you not feel your entire behind being exposed to 37 degree weather? WHAT THE...?!?!?!
Some of these aneurysm causing moments can be avoided with the advancement of technology and the invention of camera phones. I, myself, have been able to avoid several aneurysms by taking pictures and emailing them to my friends so that I can be assured that someone else has witnessed the same foolishness that I have. However, aneurysm causing moments cannot be totally avoided with the help of technology but you can rest assured that someone else saw the exact same thing that you saw and uttered the exact same words...."WHAT THE.....?!?!?!"

Monday, February 18, 2008

Letting Go

It's important to realize that no matter how much you care about a person, when you feel like you are the only one who cares, let it go. It may hurt but open your eye to see the people around you that love you and concentrate on enjoying them and giving them the love they deserve instead of wondering what you did to make that one jerk treat you so badly.
Even though you may feel like you are losing someone, God has sent someone to replace the void you think will be there when you let go of the hurtful relationship. Enjoy what you have instead of trying to force something that isn't going to work out. You'll feel better about it in the end.
After all, God doesn't make mistakes and it is not our place to question. We must have faith and accept things as they are because honestly we may never know why and we are probably better off not knowing.

Monday, February 11, 2008


Growing closer to God should change you. Period. The process should make you think differently, which in turn changes the way you talk and act. It changes the decisions you make and how you respond to people.
In general, you become more understanding and are more likely to put yourself in the other person's shoes before you react. It's hard, at first. Not just because it's a process of change but also because the people who knew you way back when are going to throw the old you in your face. Most of the time it won't be on purpose. But don't get offended or take it personal. Put yourself in their shoes. Just take it as a compliment, remind yourself how far you've come, and smile. Remember, the changes have not gone unnoticed. If no one else notices, God does.
It's funny because people don't remember exactly what you said or did to them but they do remember how you made them feel. So pause for a second before you react, think about where the other person is coming from. Try to be more understanding because, believe it or not, everyone has a story.

Sunday, February 3, 2008


Sometimes we are put in a situation that we really aren't too fond of thinking that it's temporary. Only to find that we have to deal with for a little longer than we planned. That's when we think up little scams to try to get out of it but they never work. God never puts us in a situation we can't handle. Remember what your mother told you when you were failing algebra in high school, "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger" and "You'll be thankful that you did it later". It sounds good but while you're in the midst of a hard time, that's not exactly what you want to hear. No one likes a complainer. I am the first person to tell someone to change what they don't like or shutup and deal with it if they aren't going to do anything about it.
Even when you have your strongest game face on, it's okay to let your guard down and CRY. In private, or course. Or maybe even on the shoulders of your confidant. If you don't vent, you WILL explode. And that is never good. Crying doesn't fix the problem but you will feel better that you let your frustrations out. Then wipe your tears, brush your shoulders off, and keep it moving. Now you can think clearly about how you are going to make the changes that you need to.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Life in the Fab Lane...

Have you ever been in a situation that put you in a position to do something that you are terrified about? Kimora says that you must look absolutely FABULOUS-as usual- and up your deodorant factor. Even though you may be terrified, you can do anything you put your mind to with a little preparation, a lot of prayer, and a whole lot of deodorant.
This is extremely funny to me because, I ALWAYS need increased deodorant factor. LOL! Well, at least I KNOW that I need to up the factor. You know....some people are in denial. LMBO!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Good News

Getting good news is great. Especially when it's good news about something you've been working on for a while. Getting good news about something that has presented obstacle after obstacle is even better.
My father says that anything worth doing is not going to be easy. If it were, everyone would be doing it. God, the father, says that He has a wonderful plan for the life of His children but we must be faithful and walk the path He has laid before us. God opens door and brings you to opportunities. The devil will try everything he can to discourage you from walking the path God laid before you because he sees the great things God has in store for you. If the devil shuts a door, God will open a window. It's your job to keep your eyes open for alternative routes and don't shut down when things don't go as smoothly as you would like for them to when you are trying to accomplish something.
Most importantly, ask God if you're headed in the right direction. Sometimes the road blocks are signs that you're going the wrong way.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Parental Units

After a business meeting with my father, I got to thinking about how blessed I am to have the parents that I have. How many people can say that they do business with their parents? Not many people even trust their parents to loan money to them, let alone start a business venture with them.

My parents are the best. They support me in all of the right ways, they tell me when I'm wrong-which is very important when learning life lessons, and I can count on them. I think about where I am in life and how I would not be here if it weren't for them.

If I am ever blessed to become a parent, I hope that my husband and I will be half the parents that mine were to me-and his to him because his parents are pretty great, too. Some people look at status symbols (car, house, job title, etc.) as a sign of success. But I think that making sure your children are self sufficient and make smart decisions is way more important than any of those things. I pray that God humbles me to make the sacrifices for my children that my parents made and still make for my sisters and I.

I love my parents and I thank God for them everyday. I have been blessed and I plan on being a blessing to my children in the future.

Saturday, January 26, 2008


My girls and I went belly dancing yesterday. It was so fun watching other women's version of "sexy". There were all types of women in the class, big, small, young, old and all of them enjoying themselves while learning the art of belly dancing. And you know what, we enjoyed each other.
Which brought something to mind.
Why is it when a group of women get together, there is a bunch of anomosity in the room? You can cut the tension with a knife, sometimes, it's so thick. What is the big deal? I mean I'm guilty of it, too. The whole thinking, "What the h*ll is she looking at?" Sometimes I may roll my eyes at on lookers. Or even be more obnoxious and rude because I feel I have an audience. But, at my age I should be more mature and do the Christian thing, smile and say hello. Maybe even give a compliment to the on looker. There is always something nice you can say to someone.
Smiles are just as contagious as yawns and negativity. Lets make the world a better place and just smile at one another.

Friday, January 25, 2008

The Rules

I recently read a male friends blog on relationships and how he had given the ole' okie doke to his psuedo-girlfriend of 7 months with the excuse of "if it ain't broken, why fix it". There were several comments about how men should be honest with a woman if he is not interested in a committed relationship but no one pointed out how the woman could be at fault.
First of all, woman need to stop chasing and catering to men. Men like a challenge. It's a game to them. They want what is hardest for them to get. If you make it easy for them, they lose interest, quickly. It doesn't matter how pretty, succesful, smart, stylish, or fun you are. If you're easy access, forget about it. When I say easy, I don't mean that you are a slut. I mean, you are always available when he wants to talk to you or see you. You call him more than he calls you. You do all of the calling. You change your plans when he calls you at the last minute. Stick to your schedule. If you planned to chill at home, keep that plan. He should be finding a way to fit into your schedule, not the other way around, if he's interested. If he isn't, he'll move on, to your advantage. You don't want him wasting your time anyway.
You take anything he gives you as acceptable. For example, no birthday call or gift, no date for Valentine's Day, he's missing in action on Christmas, unaswered phone calls, unreturned messages, etc. You brush the hurt off and accept him with open arms without making him suffer consequences when he decides to come back around with no explanation. People in general, whether it be a male-female relationship or employee-employer relationship, are only going to do to you what you allow. As seen in the parent-child relationship, boundaries are tested and pushed until punishment is enforced. Not saying that you must punish people to get them to treat you right but you must draw the line at what is acceptable to you. After all, no one is going to care about you as much as you are. So, if you don't speak up for yourself, who will?
I realize that no one wants to be lonely, but accepting substandard behavior from your mate will probably leave you just as miserable as being single. You must first know what your needs are before you can know how you need to be love. Sure, any man can care for you and love you. But does he love you the way you need to be loved. Some women need to be wined and dined while others prefer walks in the park and picnics. If the one you are with is not meeting your needs, be woman enough to move on. On the flip side, everyone has there quirks and baggage. People don't change, so you must know when enough is enough. Are you willing to accept the good with the bad? Is the bad overshadowing the good?
Just my thoughts on dating and relationships. If you are unhappy in the relationship you are in, think about the changes you need to make before you try to change your mate. After all, you only have control over your actions so choose them wisely.

Who's Laughing Now

Isn't it funny how people who you thought cared about you could intentionally do something to hurt your feelings?
Isn't it funny how the same people who intentionally try to hurt you are miserable themselves? Isn't it funny how someone can be so mean to you and all you've ever done is love them?
Isn't it funny that all those bad intentions add up to continued misery?
Cause I'm still happy, baby, even after all of the bad treatment!

Taking a Step Back

When going through a hard time, I had to step out of the situation to see what was really going on. I realized that I had to make a change in myself in order for change to occur around me. How could anything get better or be different if I didn't change they way I was operating.

So now, I smile more, so I appear more approachable. My "thinking" face was coming off as a mean scowl, which was not my intentions. I think before I speak. I alter my delivery to accomodate my audience. I listen more than I talk. You can't help someone if you don't first hear what they have to say. I don't take things so personal. I've realized that when someone hurts my feelings, alot of times it has nothing to do with me. Most of the time, their response to me is in direct correlation with something they are dealing with inside. I keep my accomplishments to myself, unless I am asked. Something I am excited about and want to talk about may come off as bragging to the person who hasn't quite achieved their own goals. I've learned that everyone is not going to be happy for me and envy is as real as the color green. People come into your life for a reason, season, and lifetime. If the time comes to let someone or something in your life go, let them go. Holding on can only cause more harm than good and block potential blessings. Heck, the blessing could be that they are out of your life. It's their time to go so someone else can come in. Take opportunities as they come and be ready to make opportunities when you can. God has opened so many doors for me. He has given me opportunities that I would have never imagined. These opportunities came because I wasn't afraid to step out on faith that even if I was rejected, His plan is still in progress.

Know that God has a wonderful plan for your life. Things are as they should be and stepping out on faith is the best thing you can do. Our plan may not work out, but God's plan guarantees success. Have a maliable view of success, your success could be different than you envisioned it, but fulfilling God's will is the highest level of success you can ever achieve.

So step back and take a look at your life. Is there something that isn't quite they way you think it should be. What have you done to make change so that your situation can change?