What is happiness? Happiness is satisfaction. There are no words that can accurately describe the feeling of
being happy with life just like there are no words to describe the smell of coffee. You just feel it. Just like you know that a pot of coffee is brewing. Being depressed is often considered the opposite of being happy. A chemical imbalance causes depression. Those suffering from depression take prescription drugs to help control it. However, people who have their depression under control wouldn't say they are happy.
Happiness is an inner peace and it is work to get there. Take the first steps toward finding your own happiness.
1. You are good enough just the way you are.
If you have to act in a way that makes you feel unnatural to support a relationship, any kind of relationship, that relationship is unhealthy and not for you. Be around people who love you as you are. There is a difference between a loved one encouraging or inspiring you to do better and a loved one influencing you to change who you are as a person. Eliminate these kinds of situations from your life and you will find happiness. Undergoing extensive plastic surgery is not going to make you perfect or happy with yourself. Embrace the person you are with all of your personality quirks and physical imperfections. We are all different. How boring would this world be if we were all the same?
2. Your path is your path.
Because humans are so unique, we all process things differently, learn differently, move at different paces, and like different things. Constantly comparing where you are in life to someone else's progress is a sure way to drive yourself crazy. Life takes us on roundabout paths to teach us lessons that we can apply to the next phase. Try your best to make good decisions and if things don't turn out the way you planned, it's not the end of the world. Certainly there was a chance to learn a lesson from that situation. If your plan is behind schedule a year or two or ten, that is fine too. Delaying your plan for two years is not earth shattering in the grand scheme of life.
3. Appreciate where you are in life even if you are striving for more.
There was a time when you were breaking your back to get where you are now. You went back to school to get your graduate degree so that you would qualify to get that promotion. The promotion came with an increase in salary that allowed you to buy your dream home or take that dream vacation. There is nothing wrong with wanting more but appreciate what you have now. Appreciative people are generally happy people. If you are constantly looking for the next best thing, you will never be satisfied with anything even after you get it. Be happy with what you have and you will be even more satisfied when you meet your next goal.
Being happy is a matter of being satisfied with yourself and all things about you. The feeling of satisfaction is indescribable. Be comfortable with who you are as a person. Improve yourself, but don't change your core values. Your journey is for you, enjoy it and learn the lessons it has to teach. Appreciate what you've accomplished and what you have now. The greater things to come will mean even more to you.
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I love being a sistah! Like, I love being a black woman in America. We have our struggles but we are so free to be who we want to be here when you compare our lifestyle to some other cultures. I was blessed to be raised by powerful, motivated, black, female entrepreneurs. My mother named me Iyonna Hazel, after my Aunt Hazel, who treated me more like a grandchild than a great niece. My namesake, Aunt Hazel, was a black woman in the 60's who owned a salon. She owned the building and the business. The beauty industry generates billions of dollars in the United States and it was one of the first industries that allowed black women to partake in making millions. Madame C. J. Walker was the FIRST African-American woman millionaire turned philanthropist, self made in the beauty business selling hair products. I digress....
All of my family who lived in Baltimore worked in Aunt Hazel's salon. I think the name of it was Cosmos, but
Mama Fancy in her college days. 1970 something
we all called it "The Shop". Aunt Hazel's daughter worked at The Shop. My mother apprenticed at The Shop. She paid her way through college by working there as a stylist. My older cousins worked at The Shop, cleaning up, doing laundry, and running errands. Even I worked at The Shop, giving little $5 manicures at the tender age of 8 years old in the summers and on the weekends I spent with my beloved Aunt Hazel. So, I know the inner working of a salon. I grew up in one.
Aunt Hazel has since passed. But not before paying cash to build her retirement home from money made in The Shop and selling her business. I never really understood the advantages I had by growing around these things. I learned hustle and entrepreneurship. I got to listen in on mature conversations that taught me life lessons at an early age. My hair was always done. My hair was always healthy. My hair was always kind of long because of these things. It didn't hit me until I stopped relaxing my hair that black women have a "thing" with their hair.
When I was in graduate school, I worked part time in a salon doing natural hair, mostly braiding and loc maintenance. I was the only one. All the others specialized in "regular" hair styling. We had one stylist who was highly sought after for his weave and styling expertise. He was REALLY good and was usually booked. I was appalled when I would hear the receptionist getting cussed out because he did not have any appointments available. It was so crazy to me. I'd think "Is it that serious?" Apparently, it is. I just could never relate. I honestly felt like we have a serious problem in this society if people are enraged when they can't get a hair appointment or a pair of sneakers for that matter.
Styles Salons One and only weave for my wedding by the hair weave killah, Dariel
I got a relaxer when I was 11 because all my friends had relaxers and my mom was straightening my hair anyway, so what was the big deal? This made it easier, right? My mom has Indian in her family, literally. She was Pocahontas in her college years. Perfect brown skin and long flow-y hair down her back, no relaxer. Aunt Hazel churned out perfect bouffants and press & curls for years. That's just what black women did. We straightened and styled our hair. It seemed that a large majority of black women wanted long, flow-y hair and would stop at nothing to get it. Enduring chemical burns on the scalp, burned ears from curling iron or hot comb, hours under the dryer, pulling and tugging so much that the hairline recedes from the tension, and let's not forget the MONEY and TIME spent in the salon. Or basement. Or kitchen. All to achieve something that Jehovah never really intended for us.
If I were meant to have a brown complexion, I'd have a brown complexion. Other than tanning in the summer, I don't invest time and effort into making my skin looking like something it's not. If I were meant to be 6 feet tall, I'd be 6 feet tall. Other than wearing heels, which I do for style and not to look taller, I don't invest time and money in to trying to make myself taller. If my hair was meant to be long and flow-y, it would grow long and flow-y from my scalp. Why did I spend so much time trying to make my hair do something it was never intended to do?
As a "natural", I straighten my hair once a year in the winter. Just because. The rest of the year, I style my hair in it's natural texture. I know what styles work for me and my hair. Even with natural hair, I don't look to make my hair look like someone else's natural hair. I don't do much to my hair, I never did. Even when I had a relaxer, I did a wash and roller set once a week, if that roller set turned out kinda janky, oh well, I would have janky hair for the week. Same with my hair now, I style it bi-weekly and I just make adjustments to the hairstyle as the weeks go on. It's so funny to me that when I think my hair looks crazy, I still get compliments.
When I was 21, I told my mother I was going to stop getting a relaxer. She asked me why. I was a dumb 21 year old, I didn't have a legitimate answer other than I wanted big hair. LOL! So I continued to get relaxers
Wash and go "faux hawk" After a year of transitioning
for 7 more years. Then I had a talk with my husband and we both decided it was time. Wearing my hair in it's natural texture is a personal choice. Even if you choose to wear your hair straight, with modern technology and advances in products, you don't have to straighten your hair with chemicals. We are all in a place of health consciousness. We are eating healthy, clean and organic. Why put chemicals on your body if you're making a conscious effort not to put them in your body? Just something to think about.
I hurt for black women who look at my hair with admiration and say "I wish I could wear my hair like that?" or "I wish I could go natural?" Who told them that they can't? The reasons I hear make me sad. They don't think they can wear their hair like that to work. Their hair is too nappy. They don't have time to style it. If your job has an issue with you wearing your hair the way it grows out of your head, you probably need to consider a new job. And if they fire you or limit your opportunities because of a choice of hairstyle, they know they will have some class action discrimination cases coming their way. What is nappy hair anyway? My hair seems nappy sometimes too. Usually when it's dry. Look at the products you're putting in your hair, there's probably some form of alcohol in it. Alcohol dries your hair out, making you think it's nappy and unmanageable when it's not. For those who really want to go without relaxers, take a good look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. What are you REALLY afraid of? And just how much time do you spend in the salon again? Oh.
Dry Twist Out after 3 years of being "natural"
All I'm saying is, you are beautiful just the way you are. Your hair is beautiful. Long and flow-y. Short and sleek. Loose curls. Tight curls aka *whispers* kinky. It's all beautiful because it's yours. Own it. Jehovah made you that way. Beautiful and in his image. Do what makes you feel beautiful but do it for you. Going through all those changes to alter your hair doesn't make you anymore beautiful than you already are.
Long, short, curly, kinky, or straight.....live your Fancy Life, embracing who you were meant to be.
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I'm not sure who coined that phrase, but I must say....it's awesome!! Being able to look at a situation, no matter what it is and say "WINNING!!" can change your whole outlook on life. I do it all the time. Small victories. Big accomplishments. Why? Well, mainly because it's fun to say. You most certainly cannot say "WINNING!!" without making some big gesture with your arms and a goofy grin. Someone will randomly see you doing it, they will laugh and then you will laugh at yourself. Next thing you know, multiple people are laughing. You're "WINNING!" can start a laughing frenzy that completely changes someones frown upside down. The underlying goal is to always look for the good. You will find yourself being happy about life when everything you can think of is going wrong. Being happy is contagious.
WINNING! Solid food after completing a 3 day juice fast.
A few examples: 1. Your work archenemy has been sending you multiple emails that are making your blood boil and your reply shuts that little bugger up. WINNING! 2. You're carrying a plate, glass of water, silverware, napkins, cell phone, and tablet into the living room so that you can eat in peace while you text from your phone and tweet from your tablet. Then BOOM!! You drop your glass and water spills everywhere. WINNING! You still have your food. WINNING! Your phone and tablet didn't get wet. WINNING! It's only water, so you can let it air dry instead of having to mop. LOL! 3. You pass your certification exam that you've been studying to take for over a year. WINNING! 4. You miss your train. WINNING! You have time to sit down and have some restaurant food while you wait for the next one. 5. Your kids wash the dishes. They use half a bottle of detergent and leave the floor soaking wet. WINNING! The dishes are clean.
I could go on and on, but the point is that being optimistic about all circumstances makes life less stressful. You're free to be Fancy because you ain't worried about nothing. Take pride in seeing the rainbow after the thunderstorm and then pointing it out to everyone to enjoy. WINNING!
We've all experienced it, a woman in your life who gives unsolicited advice. Be it from a mother, aunt, older co-worker, church lady, it comes from a good place but it's still unsolicited. As a younger woman, I would be the giver of unsolicited advice but sometimes it didn't go over so well because I had yet to master the art of candor. Although, my advice was from a good place, it wasn't always received positively. In turn, for some years, I just kept my mouth shut when my opinion was not asked of me. However, as I've live more and make decisions, I often find myself in a position where my advice or input is sought after. I guess people are watching me and are encouraged by the direction I'm headed in. I was once told that my spiritual gift was the ability to influence others. I was young then but now I understand it and try my best to put my gift to good use. As I mature, I have become that woman who gives unsolicited advice. I haven't gotten any negative feedback, so far. I hope it's because I am mastering the art of candor. LOL! I realized that the givers of unsolicited advice really care about you. Sometimes an outsider can see something in you that you can't see in yourself. I have benefited from unsolicited advice. I just knew I was built to be a boss but the education coordinator of my last program saw the "teacher" in me. I would have NEVER went into teaching had she not mentioned it. While I don't claim to be the best professor ever, my students flourish on their rotations after being under my instruction. To here good reports about my students is way more fulfilling than any policy or procedure I can put into place as a boss. Having a close friend tell me that it would be ok not to marry a long time boyfriend jogged my brain and got me thinking. Although I never said anything to her about my relationship status, she could see that I was unhappy. I, in turn, eventually broke up with that guy and ended up marrying my soulmate. That one little sentence worth of unsolicited advice got me on the path to happiness. My mother used to tell me that people who don't care will talk about you, while people who do care will talk to you. If your heart is telling you to talk to someone about something, talk to them. If someone randomly says something to you about yourself, don't take offense, just listen. It could change your life. Afterall, we all live here together. We HAVE to look out for each other.
What is happiness? Happiness is satisfaction. There are no words that can accurately describe the feeling of 
