Easier Said Than Done

I had a baby on November 14, 2018. In preparation for the baby, I was trying to figure out what I was going to do about Fancy Free Hair & Skin business. I have two part-time employees and a team to run my social media and respond to emails but it just didn't sit right with me to totally unplug after I had a baby. Everyone told me I need to take a break. I understood where they were coming from but that is easier said than done.

As a business owner, I've learned that when you have momentum you have to keep it up, just like driving uphill when it's snowing. Have you ever tried to drive up a hill when there's snow on the ground coming from a complete stop? I have. It is HARD! Slipping and sliding. Wheels spinning - my car is rear wheel drive. Now, compare that to coming down a hill while it's snowing, going at a decent speed, then you have to go up a hill. MUCH easier. It's the momentum that pushes you to the top of hill with minimal difficulty. Well, the same thing happens in business. You have to keep working and pushing your business forward because if you stop, getting started again is a snow covered up hill battle.

To be sure that I wasn't crazy, I had a talk with a VERY successful mompreneur who had a baby while she was focused on hitting a HUGE goal in her business.  Her name is Chanelle Burt. Google her. She is a beast. Chanelle also confirmed how I was feeling. And just for safe measure, I asked myself "What would Beyonce do?". In my heart of hearts, I don't think Beyonce totally unplugged. IDC. IDC. IDC. Those video diaries and songs written while playing around are "work". LOL! Like Chanelle said, no one cares about my business more than me. While my team is amazing, I am still the driving force. So, if I slack off, guess what they're most likely going to do? Yooooouuuuu guessed it. They're probably going to slack off too. So, I decided that I would do what I needed to do for Fancy Free Hair & Skin, my first born baby, within reason.

November 14 was a Tuesday. I was back on my computer, updating things on the website, responding to emails. I came home from the hospital, 3 days postpartum and filled orders that came in while I was in the hospital. Yes. I have staff that fills orders but she works Mondays and Wednesdays, it was a Saturday. My husband did not give me crap about it. He took the orders to the post office for me.

When my baby needs to be fed, I stop and feed her. When my baby needs to be held, I sit down and hold her. When she's just up looking around, I strap her on and keep doing whatever with her strapped to my chest. I've chalked it up to me just not being the type of person to sit still. AND I can't let my business slow down, so I have stuff to do.

With my son, I had NO problem unplugging from work while I was on maternity leave. However, I was in the kitchen whipping up that work after being home for a week. I guess, when it comes to my own business, going on maternity leave is easier said than done with the current phase of growth I am in with my business. To my credit, I am on moratorium for vending and events until Spring 2019.

I guess I said all of that to say, when your main source of income depends on you being present and engaged, you find a way to be present and engaged even if it's less than 12 hours after you've had a baby. I understand that people mean well when they say "You have to take time off" but that is easier said than done.

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Did You Ever Think That You Would Be This Rich?

Haha! Well, from our point of view, we aren't rich....YET! BUT we have come a loooooooonnnngggg way.
Last week, we finally purchased dining room chairs for our formal dining room table. A small purchase but the significance of that is we went almost 3 years with no chairs. Like, we had this fancy a$$ table and would pull out folding chairs for dinner and company. And guess what? I ain't care. LOL! We did that because I am a firm believer in waiting on the perfect thing instead of rushing into buying something just to say you have it. AND...remember that budget thing I've been talking about? Well, based on our budget, dining chairs just weren't an immediate priority.

Sunday morning, I made myself breakfast and sat at the head of my dining room table and started singing R. Kelly's "Did You Ever Think?" to myself. Which essentially asks someone who's finally "made it", did you ever think that you'd ever accomplish all that you've been working for all these years? Now, we are no hip hop stars or don't claim to be rich or well off or anything like that but we are just now getting to a space where we are starting to see some of the fruits of our labor. It's a great feeling.


To put things into perspective, we purchased our home from a prominent defense attorney in our city. Now HE has made TONS of money in his career. We aren't there yet but life has a funny way of coming full circle. The previous owner is also one of my really close friends' mentor. In 2005, when my friend graduated from law school, his mentor, the previous owner of now OUR home, hosted a white party, which my husband and I attended as boyfriend and girlfriend. Me, maybe a year into my career and my boyfriend had just finished his second year of medical school. We were still thinking in college student budget numbers and hadn't started any businesses so we were, for lack of better terms, thinking small time. We always tell the story of us sitting in the corner of that very same dining room at that party back in 2005, looking across the house thinking "Wow! Do you think we'll ever be able to afford something like this?" and laughing at ourselves for asking such a ridiculous question. OF COURSE NOT!!! But look at God, 5 years later, we purchased that VERY SAME house that we thought we'd never be able to afford.

Buying the house was not the epitome of our accomplishments, it was a symbol of all the hard work we put in within those 5 years to be in a position to do that. We were proud of ourselves. Our parents were excited. Our family felt blessed as well. Yes. The house was empty for a good 2 years after we moved in. In fact, we had a church fellowship hall folding table that was left there for us as our dining room table for 3 years before we actually bought a real one. Hahhahahahahahhaa!!! So to sit in a real dining room chair at my formal dining room table that is decorated with Marshalls, Home Goods, thrifting and traveling finds felt really good.

It made me think about Beyonce's HBO documentary, "Life Is But A Dream", she said something about
taking it all in that really resonated with me. Imagine being Beyonce, a legend, a business woman, a true talent, and a wife with strong family values. It's sooooo easy to get caught up in the next opportunity or figuring out what your next move is going to be because you want to make sure your family is taken care of. So much so that you don't even enjoy what you're doing in the moment or even what you've accomplished up until that point.

I'm a woman on the move. Like Beyonce, I'm always thinking of the next step but I'm learning to just take it all in every now and then. It's ok to pause and pat yourself on the back. I had a busy day on Sunday but I took my time to eat breakfast and sent my husband, who was at work, an affirmation text. I thanked him for his role in my life and being a blessing to me and my family as well as our unborn son. It felt good to just take it all in and just be thankful.

While we never settle and are always looking to improve and grow, your blessings only increase when you are grateful for what you have. We have seen much increase in our 13 years together. We are grateful. We share our blessings. We are thankful. We are just getting started!

Who's Going to Save the Hero?

I am a music head. I LOVE good music. Music gets me through my day. Music gets me through tough times. I can have a whole conversation just by citing different lyrics. I'm not the biggest fan of ballads. I prefer booty popping and trapping music. However, I am a musician deep down inside, so every now and then a slow song will catch my attention. Not often but it does happen. So, the first time I heard "Save The Hero" by Beyonce, it instantly caught my attention. Mainly because I am drawn to music that is in a minor key but then I started to listen to the lyrics and I teared up a lil bit. I may have shed one thug tear, but that's it. Cuz I'm a G and G's don't cry.

What are the lyrics to that song? Let's have a look:

I lay alone awake at night
Sorrow fills my eyesBut I'm not strong enough to cryDespite of my disguiseI'm left with no shoulderBut everybody wants to lean on me.I guess I'm their soldier.Well, who's gonna be mine
[Chorus:]Who's there to save the heroWhen she's left all aloneAnd she's crying out for help.Who's there to save the heroWho's there to save the girl...After she saves the worldAfter she saves the world.
I bottle all my hurt inside,I guess I'm living in lie.Inside my mind each day I dieWhat can bring me back to life?A simple word, a gestureSomeone to say you're beautifulCome find this buried treasureRainbows lead to a pot of gold
[Chorus]
I've given too much of myselfAnd now it's driving me crazy(I'm crying out for help)Sometimes I wish someone wouldJust come here and save me...Save me from myself

WOW! That is deep. It really hit home because I my maternal grandmother died of a heart attack while being the care taker for my great grand parents. Not her parents. Her husband's parents. I watched my mother do for everyone else and then have to short change herself because she gave so much. Most women find themselves in this position. We are givers and nurtures. It's in our genetics. We are more than willing to put our own hopes, dreams and desires on the back burner so that we can support our children, husband, family, friends, community and anyone in need. 

I found myself beginning to walk in the same footsteps of my mother and grandmother. Sacrificing to see smiles on everyone else's face until one day it hit me that I was not smiling. I was not doing the things I wanted to do so that I could make sure everyone else had what they wanted and needed. Although I did those things with love, I recognized the sacrifice that no one else could see because I always made it look so easy. *adjusts crown* So when I didn't feel like it was appreciated I would go OFF!!! Like cussing people out and cutting them off. A protection mechanism of sorts. Yes. Very extreme but it seemed healthy to me......until I talked to my therapist about it. LOL!

Guess who saved the hero after she saves the world. A therapist. I learned that my "crown syndrome" made me feel obligated to go out of my way for people that I care about even at times when those same sentiments weren't being reciprocated or even really appreciated. Therapy made me realize that it is perfectly fine for me to "worry about myself" and that I could not help anyone if I wasn't happy with my own life.

There is a reason that you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, in the event of emergency. How can you save anyone if you can't breathe? You can't. Save yourself. You are responsible for yourself, hero. Get in therapy. Therapy is like the best thing ever. They are legally obligated to keep aaaaallllll your secrets. LOL! Learn your limits. Don't feel guilty about saying "no". "No" is a complete sentence.

Yes. Life comes at you fast. Sometimes things can get overwhelming even when you are taking care of yourself. Crying in itself is a sort of therapy. Let it out, in private, wipe your tears, then get back to business. You can't save yourself or the world if you spend too much time crying about it. LOL!

I say all of this to say, Fancy is trying to save you from yourself. You can be the hero. We need more heroes and heroins in this world. Just make sure you aren't saving everyone and losing yourself. Save yourself. Save the world. Cry when you get overwhelmed. Fix your crown. Fasten your cape. And get back to saving.

"I'm a groooowwwnnn woman, I do whatever I want...."

Have you ever tried something different? And I don't mean a new nail polish color. I mean something reeeeeaaallllyyy different. Like, going from long flowing hair to a really short haircut. Or maybe you decide to quit your job, sell all of your belongings, and move to Madagascar to become a missionary. What reaction do you get from people close to you when tell them your plans? You probably get questions that imply they think you're out of your mind. "You're gonna wear what?" "You're going WHERE for vacation? By yourself!?!?!" "You invested in what? Why?" Sometimes you just have to go with your gut. Take that loving advice with a grain of salt and stick to what you know is good for you. Do what you want to do. Do what makes you happy. What Jehovah has for you, is for you. Your lane is your lane. Sometimes people will deflect their own insecurities on you. In their minds, they are protecting you from certain dangers when in actuality, their concerns are based on their own fears. Take it in stride. They mean well.

In school we are penalized for making mistakes. Growing up we are usually taught not to participate in high risk activities. These are pertinent lessons when involving bodily harm or certain death but it usually spills over into how we process matters of intellect and finance. It is not common knowledge that most successful people in the world failed their way to success because all we see is the end result of all of their hard work. We don't see the idea board full of strategies that didn't work out so well. They took risks that most weren't willing to take, so they can live a life that most cannot even dream of living. Happy people don't let other's opinions stop them from doing what they want to do. Successful people do what they want and make their vision a reality.  Be a risk taker. Wear what makes you feel good about yourself. Stand your ground. Push limits. Don't just go with the flow. Ask why. If you don't like the answer, take strides to change it. Set unreasonable goals and plan to accomplish them. Decide what you want to do and do it.

Doing what you want to do is sooooo important. If you aren't solid in your own decisions, your decisions will become based on what everyone else thinks instead of the desires of your heart. Everyone close to you will be running your life. You will look up one day with someone else's idea of a successful career, sporting a hairstyle you never really liked, wearing a dress your mother picked out, driving a car your husband picked out for you instead of what you really wanted. If you are serious and stick to your guns, they will see why you are doing what you did. The proof is always in the pudding. You can show them better than you can tell them anyway. Then, instead of questioning your decisions, they will brag about how proud they are of you for living your dreams and being an individual.

Keep doing what you want to do, until next time....

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