Fancy Life Secrets: working mother advice

Saturday, April 13, 2019

In a Fancy Funk

So, I didn't think I was depressed because I'm not sad but according to my therapist. I caught da Baby Blues aka Postpartum Depression. LOL! Mine is manifesting as anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, and hopelessness. Well....DUH! I AM overwhelmed. I am used to being able to do it all and now I feel like I can't do SHAT! My house is in disarray. My to-do list is never ending because I can never get to everything I intend to get to. I feel like I cannot complete any tasks because I am constantly interrupted to tend to the baby. When I do drop her off with my family to get things done, I feel like I'm rushing because I don't want to burden anyone with my wild banshee kids. SMH

My Little Angels

I've been seeing a therapist regularly since 2013. I started off going every other week but in 2016, I graduated to monthly check-ins. Requiring therapy less frequently is a graduation. LOL! I have no doubt in my mind that I am blessed and I live a great life but sometimes things happen that I need to talk through. According to my therapist, I have made leaps and strides in my personal growth since 2013. She's seen me grow from being a hospital laboratory supervisor with no kids, subconsciously dealing with a lot of hurt to a healing, full-time mompreneur of two. When I say she's seen me through, I mean every step of the process. So, I think it's safe to say that she knows me.

I was doing well adjusting to two kids. Even though we didn't think the whole 2 year spread through because dealing with a two year old and a newborn is CRAZY! I was even adjusting well even when my infant daughter was colicky and my son was being...well...2 years old. LOL! It's all temporary, right? The clutter in my house was starting to close in on me. I was getting to it. Little by little I was throwing stuff out, organizing and donating. Washed laundry was piling up. But it's clean. I never put the pantry items in the actual pantry but we have nutritious, home cooked meals. My staff asked me for more hours. GREAT!! PLEASE!! I DEFINITELY need more help. I figured out a daily schedule that optimized productivity. I was meditating and working out everyday. Yep. I can DO this. Then it hit....4 month sleep regression. It hit like a ton of bricks. We went from 6-7 hours of sleep back to her waking up once or twice each night. Torture!

When asked
"How's your day going?"

One night, I was ok. Two nights....mmmmmm, what is going on here? By night five, I was about to lose it. My precious routine was out the door. By week two, I wasn't getting my day started until 12p. NOON!!! By the time I got my daughter to my mother, I'd have 3 hours to get what I needed to get done and the back to pick her up. It was either Fancy Free stuff or house stuff. I had to choose. I couldn't do both. So my March therapy session was a dumping session. And my therapist looked at me and said, "Iyonna. You have postpartum depression. You are doing way too much and you cannot figure out how to get it done. That's not like you." She could see my hopelessness. And then it all made sense. LOL!

So, I came home and told my husband that my therapist diagnosed me with postpartum depression, no medication required, I just needed to come to therapy more often. My husband, "I KNEW IT!!! I've been watching you." Well, I thought being depressed meant I would be sad. I'm not sad, I'm just overwhelmed. I know my husbands capabilities. He is who he is. He ain't changing how he problem solves. My therapist knows that. So she told me to get him involved. Write down everything I'm doing for the house and my business and we decide, together, what he will pay to delegate. And by him paying, I mean money will be allocated from the household budget to pay for services we previously did not pay for. Easy breezy. Praise Jehovah for blessing me with an understanding husband. Or at least a husband who hates when I "Release the Kraken!", so he takes preventative measures. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Daddy's home!

Viola! Problem solved. Well, the problem is in the process of being solved. I'm writing this blog to make two points.
1. Everyone needs a good therapist. EVERYONE!
2. Ask for help if you're feeling overwhelmed.
My husband and I are still working through the kinks of adjusting to two children and business and marriage. It takes lots of honest communication. Honest. Not hurtful. My gift is process improvement so I am always looking for ways we can improve our household routine. It's clearly going to take a while but we literally have a lifetime. LOL!

If you have recently had a baby, it can happen to you. Don't be ashamed. Speak up. Ask for help. The first step in being a great mother is to make sure you're being great to yourself.

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Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Easier Said Than Done

I had a baby on November 14, 2018. In preparation for the baby, I was trying to figure out what I was going to do about Fancy Free Hair & Skin business. I have two part-time employees and a team to run my social media and respond to emails but it just didn't sit right with me to totally unplug after I had a baby. Everyone told me I need to take a break. I understood where they were coming from but that is easier said than done.

As a business owner, I've learned that when you have momentum you have to keep it up, just like driving uphill when it's snowing. Have you ever tried to drive up a hill when there's snow on the ground coming from a complete stop? I have. It is HARD! Slipping and sliding. Wheels spinning - my car is rear wheel drive. Now, compare that to coming down a hill while it's snowing, going at a decent speed, then you have to go up a hill. MUCH easier. It's the momentum that pushes you to the top of hill with minimal difficulty. Well, the same thing happens in business. You have to keep working and pushing your business forward because if you stop, getting started again is a snow covered up hill battle.

To be sure that I wasn't crazy, I had a talk with a VERY successful mompreneur who had a baby while she was focused on hitting a HUGE goal in her business. Her name is Chanelle Burt. Google her. She is a beast. Chanelle also confirmed how I was feeling. And just for safe measure, I asked myself "What would Beyonce do?". In my heart of hearts, I don't think Beyonce totally unplugged. IDC. IDC. IDC. Those video diaries and songs written while playing around are "work". LOL! Like Chanelle said, no one cares about my business more than me. While my team is amazing, I am still the driving force. So, if I slack off, guess what they're most likely going to do? Yooooouuuuu guessed it. They're probably going to slack off too. So, I decided that I would do what I needed to do for Fancy Free Hair & Skin, my first born baby, within reason.

November 14 was a Tuesday. I was back on my computer, updating things on the website, responding to emails. I came home from the hospital, 3 days postpartum and filled orders that came in while I was in the hospital. Yes. I have staff that fills orders but she works Mondays and Wednesdays, it was a Saturday. My husband did not give me crap about it. He took the orders to the post office for me.

When my baby needs to be fed, I stop and feed her. When my baby needs to be held, I sit down and hold her. When she's just up looking around, I strap her on and keep doing whatever with her strapped to my chest. I've chalked it up to me just not being the type of person to sit still. AND I can't let my business slow down, so I have stuff to do.

With my son, I had NO problem unplugging from work while I was on maternity leave. However, I was in the kitchen whipping up that work after being home for a week. I guess, when it comes to my own business, going on maternity leave is easier said than done with the current phase of growth I am in with my business. To my credit, I am on moratorium for vending and events until Spring 2019.

I guess I said all of that to say, when your main source of income depends on you being present and engaged, you find a way to be present and engaged even if it's less than 12 hours after you've had a baby. I understand that people mean well when they say "You have to take time off" but that is easier said than done.

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