Dating in 2017

 Now, I preface this blog by saying that I have no idea what it's like to date for a potential mate. I know what it's like to date my husband but not the whole meet someone new, get to know them, spend time with them, so on and so forth. But I will say that it is possible to meet someone in 2017, date, fall in love and get married. Why? Well, because I see so many women getting engaged and married in 2017. Proof is in the pudding, right?

Now, what you are about to read might hurt your feelings but it needs to be said. Your grandmother told you. Your mama prolly tells you. And here I am, Fancy, telling you. Get your shit together and you will attract a good man that is right for you. And, no, I'm not talking about your degrees, credit, home ownership, retirement plan. I mean, you need that to be together too but I'm talking about your shit in between your head. All that baggage you're carrying around between your ears. Get that together. Make self care your first priority because if you aren't all the way together, you will attract someone who will take advantage of you. Plus, you don't want to be bringing a mess into a relationship anyway.

How do you get your shit together? GO TO THERAPY!!! Figure out where your trust issues come from and fix it. Figure out why you're so defensive and can never be wrong, then fix it. Figure out why you're a pushover even when you know you're being taken advantage of....and fix it. If you don't have any of the above issues, I'm sure you will discover something to work on when you GO TO THERAPY!

Trust me. I want you to win. I want you to be happy. I want to you have the desires of your heart. You cannot do that if you don't concur yourself. I started going to talk to a therapist in 2013 when my husband asked me why I was so "cold". At first I was defensive. Then I told him I didn't know. Then I started crying. Then I found a therapist. LOL! Therapy is going to be tough at first but then it gets easier as you fix your issues and learn healthy ways to adjust in life. I did and all of my relationships improved. 

Once you get yourself together, you'll be able to pinpoint exactly what you want in a romantic relationship. As with anything, if you don't know exactly what you want, you're will be an easy sell on pretty much anything. And by anything, I mean the man you keep dating that aren't right for you and won't do right by you. Make a list. Be specific. Pray for that man. Pray and trust. Continue to worry about yourself. Jehovah will lead your man to you while you're out and about being great. Do not, I repeat, do NOT go seeking a man. Make yourself available, because, well, he can't find you if you're in the house, but do not seek him out. Men need to pursue. They are competitive by nature. They need to feel like they won the prize. You are the prize.

Now, when I was single, I did not have a problem getting a date or keeping a man. Here are some tips on what Fancy would do when she was single:

1. Never take a man's phone number. If he is REALLY interested, he will ask for a way to get in contact with you. If he offers his number, you may take it to be polite but do not call him. He ain't no good for you, girl. 
2. Make him plan for you. After all, you are very busy, like Nene, being great. If he does not call you at least 3 days in advance to take you out, you are unavailable. Period. "Awwww man. That sounds lovely but I already have something on my calendar that day." Even if it's binge watching House of Cards. You are VERY BUSY!
3. Practice dating. That means, any man who is respectful, shows interest and makes plans. Let him take you out. I repeat. LET HIM TAKE YOU OUT! You never know the kind of jewel he is. If it turns out that there just isn't any chemistry, you've practiced how to behave so you won't act a plum fool when you someone you actually like asks you on a date.
4. Listen with your mouth closed. Ask questions. Be interested. Don't talk so much. It makes you look self centered. 
5. Have realistic expectations. No man is perfect. If he passes you're "non-negotiables" test, let him live. Once you're in a relationship, love him for who he is. Do not beat him up for who he is not. Let's face it, you aren't perfect either. We are all a work in progress.

My husband and I have been together since 2003. We have grown up together. We have matured together. This relationship thang ain't easy but we make it work because we love each other. However, if something should happen to him and I decided to date again. I would take my own advice. It worked to get him and it worked to keep him. 

Fancy and Husband
Photo Credit: Kyle Pompey

Dating - Five Things You're Doing Wrong

Most women dream of meeting their soul mate, dating, getting married, and living happily ever after. These dreams come crashing down for a multitude of reasons. Are you having trouble in the relationship department? What is it that you could be doing wrong? A book called The Rules outlines the do's and dont's of dating for women. Here is a summary.

1. You attract who you are.
Work on yourself before you worry about getting a boyfriend. If you don't like who you are attracting, try making some improvements in your own life. A mate does not complete you, he compliments you. Make sure you are happy with yourself and you will attract an AWESOME man who is perfect for you. Keyword is "ATTRACT", not find. The bible says it best, The one who finds a good wife has found something good, And he receives Jehovah's favor. Proverbs 18:22 God did not instruct women to search for a husband. Make yourself accessible but let him find you.
2. Do NOT call first.
A man who insists on giving you his number and is not begging for yours is not that interested in you. Men are competitive. When a man wants a woman, he will go after her. Do not call a man who offers you his business card unless it's for business purposes. If you exchange numbers, wait for him to call you. Don't worry. He will call when he is ready.
3. He must make plans for you.
Do not accept last-minute date invitations. He must schedule his time with you at LEAST 3 days in advance. Remember, you are busy being great and your calendar fills quickly. If he doesn't adjust after 3 failed attempts, he is not that interested. When he finally gets on your calendar, let him plan the date. Your job is to show up, look pretty and enjoy his company. You should not worry about where you all are going and what you will be doing.
4. Do not accept mediocre treatment.
The treatment we accept dictates how people treat us. Make your standards clear. Men do not read between the lines. His efforts must match his promises. Trust your instincts. If something does not seem right, it probably isn't. Do not have sex until you are in a committed relationship. Having sex too soon can cloud your judgement and possibly make you irrational.On the other end of the spectrum, if you see that a man has gone through great lengths to do something for you, do not knock his efforts. Acknowledge them and nicely offer suggestions.
5. Practice dating.
You don't get good at anything until you practice. Go out with any guy who asks properly, even if you are not attracted to him. You never know if he is a great catch until you get to know him. You should keep your options open. And practice makes perfect. Practice dating so that when you meet "The One", you will not make rookie mistakes.

If you are single and dating. Have fun! Still go out with your girlfriends and family, travel, and become even greater than you already are. Enjoy life as a single woman. Marriage is a beautiful thing but it comes with other troubles. Every guy you go out with is not your future husband. Don't get attached too quickly.Watch what he does and not what he says.

Fancy Free, LLC. is a lifestyle company. We offer plans that help with personal development while earning residual income. Contact us at (410)929-0302 for your free consultation.