Laws Of Power

I dealt with much internal turmoil in the first half of 2016. How did I get there? I'm a reasonable person. A forgiving person. A generous person. Maybe that's how. I allowed someone who had hurt me repeatedly back in to my life. Not without hesitation but I feel like we all make mistakes and we all grow from our missteps. I mean, if someone has the courage to come to me, admit how they were wrong, and apologize, who am I to continue to shut them out?

Fast forward to September 2015, I found myself in a position where I had been betrayed by the person. Betrayed and hurt again. But this time, I wasn't surprised by these antics. After all, I invited them in. EYE put myself in the position. I trusted again when I shouldn't have. I learned a tough lesson that cost me. Not only time but money as well.

I know that I can't expect everyone to treat me the way I'd like to be treated. I know everyone wasn't raised the same, but to be slapped in the face with that reality by someone who has been in your house, breaking bread with your family is tough. I had literally been defeated because I wasn't dealing with honest and reasonable person but, deep down, I knew I wouldn't have felt any resolve even if I had won. I typically have no problem cutting people and situations off with the swiftness but this situation really bothered me. I couldn't figure out what the REAL issue. So, I did what I always do. In true scientist fashion, I went to gather data from everyone who knew the details.

I started by immediately re-listening to "The 48 Laws of Power". I would say reading but I've read it already so I listen to it on YouTube while in my office. Multi-tasking. LOL! After listening, I realized what I did wrong and how the situation could've been handled differently for a more positive outcome. When I say positive, I mean, how I could've gotten what I wanted. *shrugs* No shame. The lessons taught in "The 48 Laws Of Power" teach that while you have to be strategic in your actions, sometimes you also have to humble yourself and lose a battle or two in order to win the war. So, I checked myself. It didn't have to end that way but I was more focused on what I thought was right instead of by any means necessary in order to win. BOOM!

Then I talked about it in therapy because knowing how I could've handled the situation differently still didn't fix that nagging feeling. Like, why did this bother me so badly if I saw it coming eventually? Well, my therapist was able to get me to see how I was tying this situation into some other unsettling relationships in my life. It was my "lightbulb" moment. Once I figured that out, I was able to drop that nagging feeling like a hot potato. The biggest weight was lifted from me. It was literally like storm clouds cleared the sky and the sun came shining through, complete with a rainbow and angels singing.

This situation taught me some valuable lessons about myself and human nature. Sometimes people just don't like you. Don't try to figure it out. Their poor taste doesn't diminish your value. It doesn't make you a bad person, a bad friend, a bad sister, a bad mother, a bad daughter, a bad wife.....none of that stuff. Sometimes you don't get closure and you have to be okay with that. Leave it alone. Going back will only result in more hurt. Sometimes you just have to take the gut punches in order to get what you want. Man up. Take it.

That's it. That's all.

Conflict Resolution - Four Things To Think About When Dealing With Conflicts

People are different. Different ways of thinking make the world a great place to live. How boring would life be if everyone were the same? The way we think dictates the way we live our lives and the things we create. A group of people can have a common goal but each person in the group may think of a very different plan to reach that same goal. When every plan or idea is not up for consideration, we find conflict in the group. Conflict can completely stall a project if the parties involved cannot resolve it. Here are some things to consider when trying to resolve a conflict in any kind of relationship.

1. Want to resolve the issue.

If you go into a situation looking for a solution, you will find one. Don't be so dead set on defending your own interests that you forget about the common goal. Your mindset will decide the outcome.

2. Listen to understand, not to respond.

Innately, we have our own interests in mind and easily get defensive when we feel someone is attacking our point of view. It is important to listen to what someone is really saying and try to understand them. If you find yourself thinking of your next point while someone is explaining themselves, take a step back. Process what they have said before you respond. You are probably in defense mode. We were given two ears and one mouth so that we can listen more than we talk.

3. There are different ways to arrive at the same answer.

Just because you have carefully plotted out your plan of attack does not mean that someone else's carefully plotted out plan is not as effective. Keep in mind that someone else's way can work just as well as your way. Knowing this can help you be more open to finding creative solutions. If it works, it works. Be open to trying something different.

4. It's not always about you.

If you find yourself in a space where you feel you cannot resolve the conflict, take a step back and look at the big picture. If someone appears unreasonable, it is very likely that they are lashing out about something else that has nothing to do with the situation you are trying to resolve. Sometimes people deflect their personal issues on to people close to them. Home issues can manifest at work. Conflict at work can turn into an argument at home. Sometimes we deflect and don't even realize it. If you find yourself unable to compromise or unwilling to understand, you could be deflecting. If someone is unwilling to listen and work with you to find a solution for a common goal, do not take it personal, it's probably because of something else totally unrelated and you're just getting the short end of the stick. Take a break and revisit the issue later.

There is no problem too big that cannot be resolved. There are few things that must happen to resolve conflict. All parties must make up their minds that they want to find a resolution. Realize that there is more than one way to reach the same goal. Listen to everyone to understand their point of view. Don't take it personal when someone does not have a favorable response to your ideas, it could have nothing to do with you.

Fancy Free, LLC finds great joy in helping people reach their financial and personal goals in all areas of life. Call us at (410) 929-0302 to schedule your complimentary consultation.